We are having a semi-destination wedding as everyone must fly to SF, where we live, for our Sunday wedding. My sister is the MOH and lives on the east coast. We decided since everyone is already spending a lot of money to come to the wedding we would have the bachelorette party on the Thursday before the wedding. This past week she asked if she and her boyfriend can stay with us after the wedding for a couple of days to tour SF. I didn't think it was a problem but wanted to check with my fiance. She said it wasn't a big deal and didn't want to cause any problems between my fiance and I. My fiance said no. His concerns were A) It will be our 1st week as husband and wife B)We will have had house guest since the Sat before the wedding.
Having guest for another couple of days seemed ok to me, but to respect my future husband wishes I told my sister she and her boyfriend would not be able to stay with us. Her reply was since it's so expensive to come out her boyfriend probably won't come now and she's only going to come out Friday and leave on Monday. She even said I should have one of my other bridesmaids be the MOH.
Now I'm just sick.. What's a bride to do in this situation?
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Mar 14, 2007, 1:11 PM
Post #2 of 2
(906 views)
Re: [tinytoon] Between a rock and a hard place
[In reply to]
I understand that you feel concerned that you are asking people to travel to come to your wedding and that there is an expense involved but it is not a true destination wedding; you are simply having your wedding in the obvious location and of course people will have to travel to attend.
As for your sister's request, if it was meant and kept in the spirit that she made it, where she originally said it was not a problem whichever way you decided and that she didn't want to cause a problem between the two of you, then her request was fine. But she obviously didn't like your answer and is now changing things accordingly so that isn't okay. I understand if the cost of travelling is an issue, but it wasn't an issue before you said no to 2 nights of free accommodations. If they were willing to make the trip before then the cost of two nights in a hotel to make the trip feasible and to allow them to see the sights in SF, shouldn't be such a problem. If you are feeling like you want to make this trip possible, you could offer to help with the additional costs for them to stay on for two days but it really shouldn't be necessary.
It seems to me that she is changing all of the plans, and pulling out as MOH because she didn't get the answer she wanted and perhaps could also getting some pressure from her boyfriend. BUt if you can point out how important it is for you to be there in the capacity you had both agreed upon and that they can still enjoy a couple days together after the wedding, just without you and your husband to be, then perhaps she would reconsider. You shouldn't however be feeling badly because you and your finace want to have those days to yourself, at least in my opinion - most people understand this as they would like this for themselves.
Good luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Between a rock and a hard place
