Our oldest son (25) is getting married. My husband is the father & I am the step-mother. His mother is also remarried.
The brides (23) mother and father are also divorced.
Recently the bride had a conversation with me and said that she has selected the reception hall and put a deposit down. She said that for 270 guests the cost of just the food and drinks will be $12,000. I suggested that the parents get together to discuss the budget. She told me that her mother is not working again and has no money saved and that her father could maybe give her $1,000. She also said that our sons mother and her husband would contribute $5,000.
While we want them to have a nice wedding and do not want to cause any problems, we have some concerns about this situation. We too could contribute $5,000, however, that will not cover the cost of the food and there are many other high dollar costs that have not been considered.
We do not want to see the kids start off with a wedding debt. Currently both of them still live at home and have trouble making ends meet.
Also, it seems rather bold of the bride to make plans knowing that her parents will be be contributing financially.
Of the 270 guests, only 50 would represent our side of the family. We do not feel that because of poor planning we should pay for the brides family to attend.
How should the invitations read? We also do not feel that the invitation should imply that the brides family is putting on this wedding.
If we (the grooms parents) are paying for the wedding, can be limit the number of guests on the brides side of the family. They plan to invite over 100 people and aren't paying a dime.
We would like to tell the kids that they have $10,000 to work with and plan a wedding accordingly. Unfortunately the wedding plans have started without a clear budget and means to pay.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 10, 2007, 7:06 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 5, 2007, 11:07 AM
Post #2 of 2
(758 views)
Re: [sivertson] Brides Family not financially involved
[In reply to]
Dear Sivertson,
Don't worry. This is their wedding and they are financially responsible for it. They can plan whatever they wish within their budget. If they cannot pay for it, they will have to reconsider their lofty expectations. After all, if they are planning to marry, they should be paying their own way. This will be a good dose of reality.
These days, if the parents contribute, it is a gift. They don't plan or invite. So, if you wish to contribute, give what you wish to give.
The invitation should list you as host if you contribute. But, many times the bride's mother is listed as well, just because it has been traditionally so. I feel that this will be changing soon as parents are no longer financially responsible and they really don't 'host' any more.
Brides Family not financially involved
