I am the stepmother of the bride to be! My husband (the brides father) and I will be paying for the whole wedding except the wedding gown. The brides mother called us to advice us that she does not want me to have any part in the planning and helping of her daughter (the brides) wedding. She said she doesn't want to share her daughter with anyone. What are we to do since my husband and I will be financially responsible for the wedding. Do we just write them one check and wash our hands of the wedding planning? Or do we get to take part since we are the financial end of the wedding? What is the proper thing to do? We don't want the bride stressed over this issue.
Yikes! I am so sorry that you are being placed in this position.
One suggestion is to talk to the bride about this. It would be nice to know how she feels and who she wants to help her. I agree that no one should 'stress' the bride about this problem. But, you and your husband are playing a major role in this wedding. You are the host. The bride's mother is not. You, along with the bride, (after all it is her wedding) should be able to make decisions.
If you feel uncomfortable about discussing this with your step-daughter, perhaps your husband could let his ex know that you two are the hosts of the wedding and will be involved in the planning process.
This is a stressful situation for you all. So sorry.
Dear Step-Mother, This is one of those times when you will need to use every last ounce of your diplomatic skills. I recommend that you publicly bow out of the planning process. Your husband should and must be involved since he is writing the checks. Be sure to explain to your husband that he is not to make any major decisions or commitments without checking with you first. Good luck, Jodi R R Smith
If your stepdaughter has a good relationship with her mother, then this is a time for you to gracefully step back and allow the bride's mother to do the planning. There are obviously some bitter feelings here, and so trying to involve both you and the bride's mother in the planning will just add more tension at a very emotional time. Your husband should ask for regular updates so that he can follow the monetary outlay. You should indicate to the bride that you are there to help, if and when needed. Sandy Riffman
Brides Parents Divorced
