I'm about to become engaged, and I know that the day I discuss my wedding with my family, this will come up. My father passed away a year and a half ago due to an extended illness. I have known since before he even died that I really did not want to "replace" him with anyone by asking someone else to walk me down the aisle, so it is my intention to walk alone.
That said, my mother is a staunch traditionalist, and I don't think I can make her happy be eliminating the "who gives this woman to this man" part from my wedding. (and yes, I realize this day is not about my mother, but it is important to me to make her happy!) I am pretty positive that telling her I intend to walk alone will make her very unhappy (as I assume she expects me to ask my brother, whom I just plain do not get along with well enough to invite to such an important role) but this is something I believe in VERY strongly and I am not willing to compromise on it.
That being said.. is it done to ask my mother to stand at the altar long enough to give me away? Or could she step up from the pew as that part comes up? She (in her traditionalist sense) would not be for walking down the aisle with me, but I have thought of asking her if she'd like to give me away, and I need some kind of gameplan. I'm just not sure how its done in a wedding that I'd like to keep as traditional as possible.
In the experience of the knowledgeable people here- is it generally very difficult to attempt to walk down the aisle on your wedding day alone? Since I've never been married before, I'm not sure if I'm trying to be "too brave" by going alone. Is there a traditional replacement? Should it be a family member? I think I would probably cause more trauma in my family by selecting someone other than my brother to give me away anyway, which makes me think that my decision to walk alone is probably best in the long run for everyone involved.
Any advice would be great- thank you!
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Sep 7, 2004, 6:59 AM
Post #2 of 5
(2115 views)
Re: [ILoveMWH] Can Mother Give Me Away? Dad passed away...
[In reply to]
It is certainly fine for your Mother to give you away. And it is perfectly fine for you to walk alone. As you said, your Mother can stand up and reply to the "Who gives". Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
Sep 8, 2004, 4:38 AM
Post #3 of 5
(2108 views)
Re: [ILoveMWH] Can Mother Give Me Away? Dad passed away...
[In reply to]
Many brides, for different reasons, walk alone down the aisle. If you feel comfortable about this, then go for it. (I am sure your dad will be in your thoughts). And yes, it is quite in order for your mother to join you at the alter. Just let her know in good time what you have decided to do. Compromising by asking someone else, rather than your brother, would probably bring up many complications which you don't need!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 8, 2004, 6:15 AM)
purple
Deleted
Sep 8, 2004, 10:58 AM
Post #4 of 5
(2091 views)
Re: [ILoveMWH] Can Mother Give Me Away? Dad passed away...
[In reply to]
I've been to weddings where all of the above have happened (brother, alone, mom). I think all of them are fine!
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Sep 19, 2004, 1:17 PM
Post #5 of 5
(2070 views)
Re: [ILoveMWH] Can Mother Give Me Away? Dad passed away...
[In reply to]
Dear Bride,
In many ceremonies, both parents give away the bride. Do take a moment to speak with your mother to find out what she is comfortable with for the ceremony. If you want her to walk you down the aisle, ask her. Let her have some time to get more comfortable the idea before giving you an answer. Also consider having your fiancé meet you halfway down the aisle to escort you the rest of the way up so you do not have to walk the entire aisle yourself.
Can Mother Give Me Away? Dad passed away...
