Difficulty with my father and his girlfriend - Help!!
Let me start by giving a brief history. My partents divorced after nearly 30 years of marriage. My father had an affair, and is still heavily involved with the woman. As you might imagine, the feelings between my mother and father are quite bitter. Anyway, my father has refused to escort me to the church. He insists that he does not want to leave his girlfriend "alone". I do not understand this. On my wedding day, he does not want to escort his daughter to the church? I feel very offended by this, and am not sure how to handle the situation. I realize that his girlfriend may be feeling insecure, after all she is the reason my father left his family. But, this is no reason for my father to refuse escorting me to the church. Am I taking this too seriously? What can I do? People have suggested talking to his girlfriend......I already tried that. No good. I almost get the feeling that she is jealous of me, and is using this day to cause a problem with my father and I. What do I do?? then I wonder....well if she can't be alone then....what will she do when it is time for him to walk me down the aisle. I am almost tempted to not have my father walk me. Ugh....it is all so fustrating. Any advice....please. Thanks!!
Jeanine
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 3, 2004, 12:15 PM
Post #2 of 5
(1988 views)
Re: [queenjeanine74] Difficulty with my father and his girlfriend - Help!!
[In reply to]
So sorry you are having these issues.
Is it possible for you to suggest that the girlfriend not attend? Perhpas your father could sit with his side of the family without bringing the girlfriend along. That would sure alieviate alot of issues for you and your family. Be sure to discuss these feelings with your father. If he will not be able to do this then hopefully you could ask a special uncle or friend to fill in for him. I would surely let him know how hurt you are (make certain you use the word hurt and not angry) by all of this in a calm but forthright manner. Remind him that this is your day, your wedding. Have the discussion out of earshot of the girlfriend. He may not understand how much all of this means to you. Then again, even though parents are adults, some parents fail to act like adults.
Will your mother and/or some other family members escourt you to the church? If so, and your father is still refusing after your discussion, then maybe you'll just have to accept the fact that your father will not be joining you. Hopefully, you can focus on yourself and your groom since your father seems to be focued on HIMSELF. Please don't let your father's self centered behavior spoil your day. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 3, 2004, 12:35 PM
Post #3 of 5
(1987 views)
Re: [queenjeanine74] Difficulty with my father and his girlfriend - Help!!
[In reply to]
Dear Difficulty with Father,
I am so sorry that you are having all of these problems. Family can be so difficult. And, I do agree with the Wedding Queen's suggestions.
I do have one more suggestion to add. Perhaps you could ask a close friend to stand in the traditional father role. These days anyone can walk down the aisle with the bride--even another woman. Actually, my brother-in-law took the challenge, even dancing with me for the father/daughter dance.
The point is, that we make our own family as we grow older and meet the people that make us feel happy and secure. That person could be anyone. And, many times it is our family that we need to back away from for a while. Sometimes, they need time to figure out what is important. We can't figure it out for them.
If you choose to do this, you could suggest to your father that because his girlfriend is feeling uneasy about sitting alone at your wedding, you will take the pressure away by choosing someone else to stand in his place.
Hopefully, you will be able to, as the Wedding Queen suggests, focus on you soon.
Re: [queenjeanine74] Difficulty with my father and his girlfriend - Help!!
[In reply to]
Dear Queen Jeanine, My first question, purely from curiosity, is how long ago did your parents divorce? I am guessing it was not too long ago and the wounds are still fresh. Given that your father has chosen his current paramour over you, you have two options. First, to have him drive to the church with his insecure, self-centered girlfriend and then walk you down the aisle. Or, stomp your feet and dig in your heels and make him choose between picking you up and walking your down the aisle or nothing at all. Since he and the girlfriend are not doing so, I suggest you be the mature adult and agree to meet your father at the church. I am sorry he is being so difficult and unsupportive on a day that should be focused on you. All the best, Jodi R R Smith
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
Aug 6, 2004, 11:54 AM
Post #5 of 5
(1949 views)
Re: [queenjeanine74] Difficulty with my father and his girlfriend - Help!!
[In reply to]
Oh dear, the fallout from divorce goes on and on. As the bride, hearing this from your father must be very hard indeed. But he is your dad, so why not meet him at the Church, he can have left his girlfriend already seated, and then concentrate on you. Have you thought about photos and seating and who will be included, and where? Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
Difficulty with my father and his girlfriend - Help!!
