Disappointed Bride and Groom - behavior of bridal party
Hi all, So my wife and I got married in March and were very disappointed by our bridal party. These people are supposed to be some of our best friends in the world, and only the bridesmaids got gifts for us (the best man knows what he's getting us but hasn't yet) but none of the groomsmen did, not even a card to congratulate us. One of the groomsmen never RSVP'd for the wedding and didn't tell us he wasn't bringing his wife (my wife and I both had gone to their wedding less than 6 months before) so we had paid for her plate without knowing she wasn't going to be there. The groomsmen (other than best man) stayed at a different hotel than the rest of our wedding guests (which is ok given travel expenses), and other than helping pack up things at the location on the night of the wedding, they didn't do a whole lot. The maid of honor was supposed to be responsible for a bunch of things, like bustling my wife's dress after the ceremony, holding her bouquet and fixing the train during the ceremony, etc. She had to be reminded during the ceremony, and after the ceremony, she didn't show up to the bridal suite until 5 minutes before lineup for the reception, leaving my wife's parents to bustle her dress. She showed up in the bridal suite and spent the whole time talking about how much her feet hurt from her shoes until my wife said "Hey, can you help with this? You were supposed to be here 30 minutes ago." at which point she jumped in and failed miserably to help. Is it just me, or do people just disappoint you in the most random of ways? Is it ok to ask members of your bridal party why they didn't get you a gift? I'm assuming that part of it was the travel and tuxedo expenses they incurred, yet one of them has plenty of money since he has traveled a lot since that time already, including a trip to Europe. Is it ok to tell someone you were disappointed at their behavior in hindsight? I know that people are not required to give a wedding gift, but it's amazing how many people didn't at our wedding, not even a card. I don't know why this happens. Only one of my coworkers did out of the 8 who came. I just don't really understand people. Do you think they just don't realize how much money was spent for them to be there? Do they think showing up was their way of supporting the wedding? Is it possible they don't really support us getting married? I'm not all about the gifts, but even a card from these people to show some support would have been nice. My wife is very hurt by the lack of acknowledgment and is actually harboring enough resentment toward certain people to not want to involve them in our social life any more. I'm really not sure what to do. I'm more capable of dealing with these disappointments than she is, and I want to still have social relationships with my coworkers, yet my wife doesn't want to invite them to our home for bbq's, etc. Both of us have been thinking that "at least the groomsmen all live far away and we don't have to interact with them very often" but that's still not healthy for those friendships to continue (if they are meant to). What do you guys think?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 14, 2007, 6:56 PM
Post #2 of 3
(1030 views)
Re: [damiang] Disappointed Bride and Groom - behavior of bridal party
[In reply to]
Some of the behavior of your bridal party does seem rude but I have my own question for you first. Did you host this wedding in order to receive gifts or to commemorate one of the most important days in your life? We really shouldn't host any type of event just to expect something in return.
I don't see the point of lamenting. You had a wonderful day and you're now married and happy. Why ruin the memories with bad feelings over some gifts? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 15, 2007, 12:55 PM
Post #3 of 3
(1001 views)
Re: [damiang] Disappointed Bride and Groom - behavior of bridal party
[In reply to]
I completely agree. And, many guests are so overwhelmed by the 'entitled' people who feel they deserve gifts for everything that they are lashing out at those who would normally receive gifts. Miss Manners just ranted about the entitled and the backlash just this month. So, it isn't only you.
It is expensive to play at part in someone's wedding. Perhaps your attendants were overwhelmed with the costs and didn't realize that they could give you a group gift. This is the most common and less expensive. And, some actually consider their expenses as their gift to the couple.
Hopefully you and your bride paid for your attendant's lodging. This could be an issue with them as well. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Disappointed Bride and Groom - behavior of bridal party
