The Groom want his ex-fiance' 2 daughters to be part of our wedding. He has been part of their lives for the last 8 years they are 13 and 16. Their mother "the ex-fiance' " claims they want to be part of our wedding. We have all of our attendants chosen and asked. Is this an unreasonable request? If not how could they be included?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jan 22, 2007, 4:48 PM
Post #2 of 4
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Re: [Orleanian] Ex Fiance' Children in wedding?
[In reply to]
Are these your groom's daughters with the ex? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Orleanian
Jan 22, 2007, 5:00 PM
Post #3 of 4
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Re: [TWQadmin] Ex Fiance' Children in wedding?
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No, they are not his children at all, the girls were 5 and 8 when they started dating. Their real father has little to do with them, he has been the father figure to them for 8 years. they moved to another state so he doesn't see them often. We visited them once in the last year for about 6 hours. I have children of my own who are in the wedding. This is his first marriage and my second.
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Jan 22, 2007, 10:27 PM
Post #4 of 4
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Re: [Orleanian] Ex Fiance' Children in wedding?
[In reply to]
Essentially these are his "stepchildren" from a previous relationship, regardless of the 'marital status or lack thereof' of your fiance and his ex. If he feels that he would like them to be part of the wedding and you can be okay with this, then inviting them or having them partake in a more significant way may be the best thing to do. If these were his natural children, we wouldn't even be having this discussion. However, with growing number of step and blended families these days and break-ups thereof we are increasingly going to be facing questions like these.
From a purely relationship perspective, it will probably mean a lot to the girls as he has been the most active father figure in their lives. The important thing is that the two of you can come to some agreement on this and decide on an appropriate role for them; no one should tell you what that role should be. Their mother has indicated that they would like to be in the wedding, but if that simply isn't possible, then having them their as guests and extending a special invitation will send the message that they are wanted and I'm sure this is more important to them than anything else. Think about your options though and perhaps there is a role they could play(ie taking care of the guest register) that would make them feel special but wouldn't require you to make any signficant changes at this stage of the game.
A very interesting scenario. I applaud you both for being concerned enough to look into doing the best thing for everyone involved. Best of Luck!! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Ex Fiance' Children in wedding?
