I have a stepfather that I am very close to and a father who I am not really close to at all. I have an issue about who should give me away. My pastor said that I should have my stepfather because being a dad is more than just being a father. I am just having issues on how to tell him, he has hurt me many times but I don't really want to hurt him (my biological dad). What do I do?? My idea was that my stepdad give me away and my real dad have the first father daughter dance? PLEASE HELP.
Heather
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Apr 9, 2007, 9:53 PM
Post #2 of 2
(499 views)
Re: [weddingwoes] Father or Stepfather
[In reply to]
You deserve a lot of credit for wanting to include both of them in some significant way and that allows you to consider a few options. Others in similar situation have decided to have both walk them down the aisle together (often impossible though) or each go part-way (also only works under the right circumstances). However, if you would prefer that you have your stepdad walk you down the aisle and your biological dad have the first dance, then that conveys meaning to both of them and that would be how to explain it to your bio dad. He can't deny that your stepdad has had a big part in your life, so without getting into how much your Dad has disappointed you as a rational for not including him in every part of the ceremony, I think you can simply say that you want to honor both of them and that this is your preferred way of doing that. Let him know that you want both of them there on your wedding day and that it would mean a lot to you for them to participate in these ways.
What he does with this is his choice. He can choose to accept your decision under challenging circumstances, or he can thwart this for you by refusing to participate. I hope he chooses the first option for you, but should he not, it is not because you didn't consider his feelings and include him in a special way. You have considered both of these men in your life and hopefully they can see that it is an honor to participate with you in these significant ways on your wedding day.
Best of Luck. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
(This post was
edited by yvonne"instep" on Apr 9, 2007, 9:56 PM)
Father or Stepfather
I have a stepfather that I am very close to and a father who I am not really close to at all. I have an issue about who should give me away. My pastor said that I should have my stepfather because being a dad is more than just being a father. I am just having issues on how to tell him, he has hurt me many times but I don't really want to hurt him (my biological dad). What do I do?? My idea was that my stepdad give me away and my real dad have the first father daughter dance? PLEASE HELP. 
