A little background, first: My future in-laws divorced more than 20 years ago. My fiance, Craig, was raised by his mother and he didn't have much contact with his father until about 5 years ago. He and his father have repaired their relationship and have grown closer since. I've met both parents and their families. The mother of the groom is currently single but the father of the groom is getting remarried a month before our wedding. Craig's dad and future wife have been together for several years and she and Craig have a good relationship.
Craig's mom and dad are amiable but some hard feelings still exist. His mom and future step-mother have met over dinner and seem to get along well. Craig's mother gave us a lump sum of money to assist with expenses and his father and his wife will be paying for the rehearsal dinner. My question is: What role, if any, should the step-mother have in the wedding? My plan is to have my mom, Craig's mom, his step-mother, and our aunts help my bridesmaids and me decorate the reception hall and sanctuary. Is this appropriate to have his step-mother assist with this portion? I will also be making corsages for the mothers and grandmothers. Is it appropriate to make one for Craig's step-mother (possibly smaller and less elaborate) as well?
My main goal is not to take anything away from Craig's mom and her enjoyment of the day. She raised Craig and his brother on her own and deserves ample credit for that. Craig's step-mother has made it clear she doesn't expect to play a large role in the wedding but I don't want to leave her out completely, especially since she's helping with some of the expense. My relationship with Craig's mother is comfortable enough that I could contact her to ask what her feelings are on the subject, if that would be the most approriate and proper thing to do. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Aug 19, 2004, 2:51 PM
Post #2 of 4
(1883 views)
Re: [Karey] Groom's new Step-Mother and her role
[In reply to]
Well Karey,
I think you are very generous to try to include her in the wedding. #1. She can of course have a corsage, smaller and less elaborate then the mother of the groom. #2. She can be given honor seating when the mothers are seated at the ceremony.
You can ask you future mother in law if the step mother can join in the decorating, but if I was the groom's mother, I would want this time to be special for you and the others who have helped with your wedding. If you ask her, she will probably say yes to "keep the peace" but she would be more comfortable without the new wife. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 19, 2004, 2:54 PM
Post #3 of 4
(1881 views)
Re: [Karey] Groom's new Step-Mother and her role
[In reply to]
Dear Groom's New Step-Mother,
It sounds as if you are already setting the stage for all of these people to become a close family. Bravo. I wouldn't change a thing. Everything that you stated sounds wonderful and should work just fine. Just make sure that the groom's mother is always mentioned first.
Because you have such a comfortable relationship with his mother, you might want to check in with her every once in a while to find out how she feels about everything (decorating with the new step-mother, etc.). More than likely she will appreciate the fact that you care enough to check with her.
Congratulations on your up-coming wedding. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Aug 21, 2004, 8:21 PM
Post #4 of 4
(1858 views)
Re: [Karey] Groom's new Step-Mother and her role
[In reply to]
Dear Karey, It is so nice for you to include your husband's step-mother. I recommend that you ask the groom's mother if it would be alright to have the step-mother help decorate. (You can even add something about many hands making light work...) Yes, do give the step-mother a corsage for the wedding day. All the best, Jodi R R Smith
Groom's new Step-Mother and her role
