I am getting married in a little less than two weeks and am having serious problems with my soon to be "monster in-law". My mother passed away two years ago at an early age from cancer, and now my mother in-law is dating my father. My fiance and I have told them we would like them to sit on our respective sides because they are being honored as our parents. We are also leaving an empty seat for my mom, as a remembrance. The mother in-law is throwing a fit and complaining that we are not being sensitive to her feelings and that "it is a big day for her too". My father and my fiance's mom are not getting married, and are only dating. She also makes comments such as "will I always be second to that empty chair?" and tells her son that she needs to go purchase a "mother of the bride, errr groom dress". What can I do with a woman who is being so incredibly rude and selfish???
Yours Truly,
Soon to be eloping bride
(This post was
edited by corieboriealice on Sep 13, 2004, 6:18 PM)
My dad at first was understanding and said that it was our day and he just wanted us to be happy. Now after a week or so of this discussion, he is asking if we have thought about changing our minds because her feelings are hurt. I told my dad that it is not acceptable for her to be so selfish and treat her son in this manner. It is very hurtful that she would prefer to be my dad's girlfriend than be honored as my fiance's mom on this big day for us. As a side note, my mom's family would be very hurt to have her sitting where my mom should have been. It is just a large mess! She will not drop the issue and my dad is not being very much help.
It would be interesting to know what your father has to say.
Sorry about this added pressure during your planning. My only advice (my opinion) is to stick to your guns and please do not change your plans. Be polite and smile and say no as sweetly as possible.
Often in the beginning of a relationship people start to feel insecure and that could be exactly what is going on with your mother-in-law to be. Perhaps your father could talk to her and help her to realize that you need to honor your mother and that it has nothing to do with their relationship. You are actually honoring her also as your groom's mother by her sitting on his side.
Hopefully she will settle down and all of you can begin to focus on you two and the happy day again.
together with your fiance try to get over to your future mother in law that on your wedding day she is 'there' for her son. And that is a very important role for him.
I can quite understand you do not want anyone sitting in the place of your mother. Stand fast on that point. Meanwhile try to bite your tongue as you do not want 'sides' to be drawn now which will cast a cloud over your married life. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
I agree that, if you dad is not remarried to this woman, she should not be taking the position of his wife rather she should be thinking of her son. I would suggest that you groom have a much needed "heart-to-heart" with his mom, telling her how hurtful it is to him that she is putting her relationship with this new man before her relationship with him. Stress the fact that, at the reception, they can dance the night away for all he cares, but for the ceremony (which is really the heart of all weddings), that he would be really hurt if she were not sitting in the position of mother of the groom.
As a mother myself, I believe that would tug at MY heartstrings, as long as he his not acting angry or resentful. Please ask him to speak to his mother in a loving way. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
If talking doesn't work--and it often doesn't--maybe you could consider a different way to honor your mom. Display her picture, light a candle during the ceremony, have a blessing said at ceremony or reception, etc.
I agree with all the stuff said about FMIL's role. But here's a different perspective you may have not thought about. Some people might feel a bit eerie with the empty chair. I know I would.
HELPPPP!!!!! Monster in-law problems
