I do NOT want divorced dad's wife in reception line, photos or at the head table
My father divorced my mother last year,after 33years of marriage, marrying one of his lovers 2 weeks after the divorce. We knew this woman when we were young because she was a "friend" of my parents. Proper etiquette may dictate that she be invited to my wedding, but I do NOT want to confuse the guests by having her stand alongside my dad in the reception line or in my wedding photos . Does she have to sit at the head table? My dad will want to be at the head table with her but I do not like the idea of her being there when she has been half of the disruption of my parents marriage! I would like to have just my father and my mother (my mother has not re-married) in the photos. There is still a lot of anger among us children for the misery that they have caused . Please tell me what is expected so I can say I received official information about this. Do I need to tell them before the wedding? Are my mother and father expected to stand together for photos and in the reception line. My mother is fine with it but my father wouldn't stand close to her at my brothers wedding and it really spoiled the photos because it is very noticable. How should I handle this problem? Thankyou for your help....I don't know what to do!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jan 18, 2005, 7:37 AM
Post #2 of 6
(3617 views)
Re: [donna] I do NOT want divorced dad's wife in reception line, photos or at the head table
[In reply to]
Dear Donna:
Before we all address your question please let me first say that your question, while valid and concerning, is not a question of etiquette but rather a personal decision. With that said, any answer you will receive from our experts should be considered opinion and not "official information" to be used to argue your position with your parents.
While we wait for the etiquette and relationship experts to respond consider that this other woman didn't single-handedly break up your parents marriage. Let's face it, all parties play a part. Think about your relationship with your father and understand that, although you may not approve, this woman is now your father's wife. Whatever your feelings are for this woman know that obviously your father loves her and she is now a part of the family. Although you certainly have the right to exclude her you may be also excluding your father in the process. Let's see what everyone else has to say on the subject. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
coach4couples
COUPLES COUNSELOR
Jan 18, 2005, 9:35 AM
Post #3 of 6
(3616 views)
Re: [donna] I do NOT want divorced dad's wife in reception line, photos or at the head table
[In reply to]
I fully agree with the administrator's answer.
I would encourage you to do what you need to do to reconcile your differences. Holding resentment and anger at your new stepmother and father, is like taking poison and expecting them to die. It's hurting you way more than them.
As you enter into your marriage, this painful situation brings to light all the dark, repressed, and often not-dealt-with fears around your own future union and what could happen.
This is a great opportunity for you to get with your fiance and create a "Code of Honor" around communication and respect, so that you have a firm foundation to draw from as you commit to each other for the rest of your lives. Creating your own code will allow you to have the safety to explore what happens to your relationship as you both grown and change throughout life.
Blessings to you both, Emily Bouchard, MSSW, Life Coach, Speaker, and Trainer
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 18, 2005, 11:57 AM
Post #4 of 6
(3615 views)
Re: [donna] I do NOT want divorced dad's wife in reception line, photos or at the head table
[In reply to]
Dear I do not want,
I agree that to be truly healthy we should get rid of our anger and all of this is great advice. Now it is my turn; let's talk about the etiquette involved.
During a wedding and reception a divorced mother (if she raised you) is somewhat of the star. She is second to you and your groom--the hostess. She will sit in the front row with your father and his wife in the third.
He does not need to be in the receiving line, this is an option. Often divorced fathers will circulate while the guests enter. If he is in the line, it is expected that he will stand after your groom and she is only in the line if you are close to her. So, it is expected that she not be in your receiving line.
His wife doesn't need to be in your pictures. He is your father; she is his wife, but no relation to you. Talking of pictures, usually divorced parents are placed opposite each other. It is usually more comfortable for everyone.
As for the head table... because your parents are divorced, he does not need to sit with you. There could be a table for his side of the family so he could sit with his wife and catch up with the family. If he is at the table, she does not need to sit there. It is the same as for the other members of your bridal party who may join you. Spouses are not usually sitting with them.
It may help for you to purchase or borrow from a library a wedding etiquette book. Peggy Post writes an excellent one.
Re: [donna] I do NOT want divorced dad's wife in reception line, photos or at the head table
[In reply to]
I appreciate the assistance and the speed of your response! Your information has been most helpful and you answered all my questions. I did notice though that you felt the need to tell me that it takes two to break up a marriage and I did say this when I said that she was 50% of the equation! I understand about anger...it's alright that they are married..that's what they wanted. My concern is that I did not want her in my wedding photos etc....having to explain who she is etc etc. I love my dad and I always will but I feel I do not have to accept her, other than as his wife. I would never be rude to her, but I do not feel friendly either. We are grown children and as such will not need to have any contact, other than occasional because of the geographical distances separating us. This feels comfortable to me. Thankyou again for your help. I have found this site to be terrific! Sincerely, Donna
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jan 18, 2005, 8:38 PM
Post #6 of 6
(3595 views)
Re: [donna] I do NOT want divorced dad's wife in reception line, photos or at the head table
[In reply to]
Hi Donna:
I am glad you have found the site helpful and also glad that you have come to terms with your father's marriage. I think you are handling it all very maturely and you should be commended.
I wish you peace and the wedding and marriage of your dreams! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
I do NOT want divorced dad's wife in reception line, photos or at the head table
