My question may not fall strictly within the bounds of etiquette, but the experts here are quite insightful with respect to interpersonal relationships, so I'm hoping you might offer me your assistance.
My fiance's sister is an artist, and she graciously offered to design and construct our wedding invitations as her gift to us. We accepted, and she did an outstanding job. The invitations are beautiful and unique, and very fitting for the tone of our ceremony. I've received dozens of compliments on the invitations, which I relayed to my future sister-in-law.
However, all the compliments started the wheels turning in my FSIL's head. She asked me if it would be all right for her to set up a table at my reception where she could display the invitations she made for me along with some of her other design work. She thinks that my wedding is a great marketing opportunity, and that my guests might like to hire her for invitations of their own.
I feel very strange about the display table idea. I don't want my guests to feel pressured into contracting her services, nor do I want them to feel like they're walking into a trade show at the reception. I told my FSIL that I'd be happy to pass along her name to anyone who asks about my invitations, but she was not satisfied with that answer.
I then made what I think was a mistake, and suggested that perhaps she could display her work by incorporating it into the "traditional" parts of our reception. I suggested that maybe she could make a lovely cover for our guest book and sign the bottom or discreetly place a business card next to it. She was very offended by this suggestion and accused me of trying to get more free labor out of her. In retrospect, I can see how my suggestion may have come off poorly.
I would like to note here that (1) She offered to do the invitations as a gift, I did not ask, (2) I thanked her repeatedly for the invitations and sent her a bottle of wine from a local vineyard and a fancy box of chocolates already, and (3) I've told everyone who complimented the invitations that my FSIL made them, so if they really want her services, I'm sure they're clever enough to ask me for her contact information.
My FSIL is a talented woman, and I do want to help her with her business, but her suggestion feels very inappropriate to me. Am I being too stuffy? Do I still "owe" her something? If yes, do you have a suggestion about the right way to pull off this display table? Or a potential compromise? Currently she and my FMIL are very annoyed with me, and I'm completely unsure of how to smooth things over.
Many thanks!
TWQadmin
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Post #2 of 4
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Re: Is it rude to hawk someone's wares at reception?
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Your wedding reception is not a place for your sister-in-law to set up shop or to promote her business. If anyone asks who designed your invitations, you can hand them a business card or tell them her name but to sell her work at your reception would be in poor taste.
Explain to your sister-in-law that you contacted a wedding etiquette expert and you were informed that you made a faux paus. Let her know how much you appreciate her gift but you will not be able to set her work out on display. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Post #3 of 4
(898 views)
Re: Is it rude to hawk someone's wares at reception?
[In reply to]
Re: Is it rude to hawk someone's wares at reception?
[In reply to]
I agree as well. It would be in very poor taste to set up a display of her work. This would be like those sponsored weddings of a few years back that didn't go anywhere fast--where a business would sponsor part of the wedding if the couple posted their business card next to the donated item. Can you imagine a business card next to a donated wedding cake or a tag from the wedding dress with the name of the tailor? It is like an advertisement saying, "For your next wedding cake, call 555-555-555!" This is why the trend fell away quickly. Most found it tacky. Gee, I wonder why?
Oh, and it may be a very good idea for your fiance to step up to the plate and have a discussion with his mother and sister. You two should appear as a team. And, he should be protecting you. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
(This post was
edited by Etiquette Now on Jul 8, 2008, 10:39 AM)
Is it rude to hawk someone's wares at reception?
