Is it wrong for MOB to tell MOG wedding date and venue
My dear daughter became engaged to her boyfriend of almost 3 years about a month ago. She is my only child, and I am very excited about the event and helping her plan it. We have an engagement party planned for next weekend and the invitations went out to just family members. This is what she, her fiancee`, and I agreed upon.
I had been waiting to receive a call from his mother (As per convention) but had not received one. I began to realize that it was possible that she did not know this custom as she has no daughters and I was unaware of this practice, myself. I called her to speak about the upcoming party and ask if there were any other people she wished me to include. I perceived that this was being a thoughtful hostess, since we have not met the groom's family at all.
We had a pleasant conversation and she graciously offered to help in any way for the event. In the course of the conversation, because my daughter had just called me earlier in the evening to let me know that she and her fiance had visited and booked the venue that evening and "set the date" now, I shared that information with the MOG.
Now the groom is "upset" that I shared this information. It seems that he wanted to tell his mother. I am truly sorry that he is upset, and I will apologize profusely for making him unhappy, but I don't think that my telling her the date was a faux pas. Aren't my husband and I the "hosts" of the event since we are paying? Did I make a mistake in sharing this information (other than upsetting my future son-in-law, for which I am very sorry)?
Thank you for your time and consideration,
ProperMOB
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 1, 2008, 8:08 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 1, 2008, 10:16 AM
Post #2 of 4
(520 views)
Re: [ProperMOB] Is it wrong for MOB to tell MOG wedding date and venue
[In reply to]
Dear ProperMOB,
In the past the parents of the bride were traditional hosts who paid and did most of the planning. Today, they are not, even if they pay. You may still be considered host in a small manner, such as being listed at the top of the wedding invitation. But, your daughter and her fiance make all of the decisions.
It is still considered appropriate for either parent to call the other to suggest meeting before the wedding. But, the couple should be allowed to inform the parents of their plans, as they are the actual hosts of their wedding.
There really is nothing wrong with you mentioning the date and the venue in the course of the conversation though. There is no way you could have known that he hadn't discussed this with his mother yet. And, you were discussing the engagement party. Hopefully he will be able to move past this when he realizes that you are not trying to control the wedding and planning.
Please note that the engagement party is not supposed to be a gift giving event. Some give, but it is not obilgatory.
Re: [ProperMOB] Is it wrong for MOB to tell MOG wedding date and venue
[In reply to]
I agree. Just call the couple and tell them you're sorry they were hurt but that you didn't realize what you were doing would be upsetting. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
ProperMOB
May 2, 2008, 6:03 AM
Post #4 of 4
(500 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Is it wrong for MOB to tell MOG wedding date and venue
[In reply to]
Thank you both for your input. I have already apologized to my daughter and asked her to pass that along to her fiancee' and I will speak to him about it when I see him this weekend as well. I appreciate the clarification of etiquette, because I didn't think I had truly done anything "wrong" except that it displeased him - and I attempt not to do things like that in general.
We are aware that the engagement party next weekend is not a gift giving occasion. However, my daughter may receive gifts since it is also celebrating her graduation from college. The family is aware of this as well.
Is it wrong for MOB to tell MOG wedding date and venue
