My stepmother appears to be using my wedding as a platform to impose her views of "who my family is" on me. My stepmother has been with my father for 15 years (not officially married but might as well be). She has a married son in his late 30's. My parents separated in my teens and my mother passed away a few years after.
I am 32 and have a 30 year old sister who I am close to.
I have a good relationship with my stepmother but not particularly close. However, I have next to no relationship with her son. We have met less than 10 times in 15 years (the last time was at his 100+ person wedding a few months ago). This is where things have been very uncomfortable.
Originally we did not invite him and his wife to our wedding. We are only having 50 or so guests and my bride has a very large extended family. Only her closest family has been invited (about 20 of the aunts, uncles and cousins - there are at least 50 of them total!).
Not inviting my stepbrother became a major crisis for my stepmother. I was very honest with them both and tried to explain that I had simply tried to invite the 25 closest people in my life. After the usual dysfunctional communication and conflict, we gave in and said fine. They were quite adamant that they have 3 children and it was not acceptable for him to be excluded. This leads to my question....
We would like to have dinner the night before the wedding. The planned guests are my bride's parents, her brother, my dad and stepmother and my sister and her husband (if they make can make it the night before). This is the immediate family as we see it.
Am I asking for another conflict by not inviting my stepbrother (and his wife) to this? I am feeling that my stepmother is more concerned with bringing her son into my family, rather than understanding that this is about welcoming my bride into mine. When can I tell my stepmother that enough is enough? My wedding is not about embracing my stepbrother!
Thank you
M
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 7, 2007, 7:52 PM)
TWQadmin
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Aug 7, 2007, 8:04 PM
Post #2 of 4
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Re: [GusterP] Must I invite my stepbrother to the wedding
[In reply to]
Is this the rehearsal dinner or just a casual dinner with family? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
GusterP
Aug 8, 2007, 7:52 AM
Post #3 of 4
(592 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Must I invite my stepbrother to the wedding
[In reply to]
I can't say I would define it as either. Originally we were going to have a more formal rehearsal dinner. We decided otherwise.
Thank you
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 8, 2007, 8:05 AM
Post #4 of 4
(591 views)
Re: [GusterP] Must I invite my stepbrother to the wedding
[In reply to]
Ah - I was going to try to give you an "out" if it was the rehearsal dinner.
Have you considered what would be the real down side of allowing your stepbrother and his wife to join you for dinner? Is this more about taking a stand with your stepmother?
If it were me, I would use this as an opportunity to get to know my stepbrother better. After all, aren't weddings all about love, family and friends. Also, you'll find that marriage is a constant effort to compromise and make decisions. This is chance to practice that art. Ask yourself if it would really be a huge deal to have one more for dinner. Make the decision together with your bride. Whatever conclusion you come to it may be best to speak to your dad and his wife to discuss the relationship.
Please let us know how it all turns out. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Must I invite my stepbrother to the wedding
