My sister just got engaged on Sunday and we have already had a royal spat when I was hearing about her plans to do her wedding her way. I have no issue with whatever she wants, except one thing she's planning to do, which I scolded her for, and which send her ballistic.
She has two sets of aunt/uncles coming from out of town. (Mother's brother/wife, and Mother's sister/husband) She has been to the wedding of one of the cousins only ( out of 6 maybe between them?)
"I definitely want them to come" she says, "but I want my actual ceremony to be very inimate" So I said, well you're going to have Pete and Liz (Mother's siblings w/spouses) at the ceremony right? "No, and this is my wedding and I want it to be very intimate- immediate family only"
Well I said, that's not right. 1. They are close blood relatives, 2. THEY CAME FROM THE OTHER COAST! It would very rude not to have them at the actual ceremony, no matter how intimate. She was furious I said that was rude.
Okay, please post the definitive etiquette on that. I'd think if she has no intention of having them witness the ceremony, she ought to send them an announcement only- would be insulting to come that distance and not even be invited to the ceremony, but rehearsal dinner and reception only. I told my sis she was out of bounds on that one. Am I right?
Also, while we're at it, what is the protocol on non-family guests who travel far to be there and pulling that on them- no wedding, but we'll feed you twice?
Can either or both situations be made "proper" by having something in the invitations saying "the ceremnony will be "the in crowd only" (just kidding- but it isn't only immediate family, it's already in her plans to have some close friends attending, too) Thanks, CalGal
(This post was
edited by calgal2 on Dec 7, 2004, 10:59 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Dec 8, 2004, 10:44 AM
Post #2 of 2
(1110 views)
Re: [calgal2] OutofTown family invites
[In reply to]
Dear Out of Town,
Actually, many brides have a small intimate ceremony and a big reception later. There are many reasons for this besides those who wish to have a destination wedding. Some do this because of 'stage fright' and some because the site may be too small to include a large crowd. This is not something to argue with your sister about.
Yes this can be a bit disappointing for those who have traveled, but a continuously running video or slide show of the ceremony during the reception may help everyone feel a part of the event.
The one part of her plans that is not 'etiquettely' appropriate is to have guests at her rehearsal dinner who are not guest at her wedding. This is not appropriate and could be hurtful.
She can invite whomever she wishes to the reception only, even if they travel. Those guest would receive an invitation to the reception, so they will know they are only invited to the reception. There would be no misunderstandings once they arrive. So, there would be nothing 'pulled on them'.
She may want to talk to your family so they may understand that it is her wish to have a small intimate ceremony, but wishes to share her joy with them later at the reception.
OutofTown family invites
