Parents promised to pay for wedding - now they won't pay
My fiancé and his family are deeply religious and have been very vocal about us having a large traditional wedding when I really wanted to just go to the court house. My family is more simple and out of my six brothers and sisters only my older brother has had a wedding which my parents did not contribute. They have always had the philosophy that they do not do for one what they cannot do for all. My mom is now deceased and my father is elderly and retired and cannot pay for anything other than a gift. After plenty of stress deciding on how to plan a wedding fair to both families thousands of miles apart and keeping within a very modest budget. I have now found out that the future in-laws are going by the old custom the brides parents pay for the wedding after pushing and stressing me to agree to a wedding. I am relieved that I do not have to plan the hoop-la I do not want but am hurt that we are not treated equally. Should I just keep my mouth shut and go quietly to the courthouse or let them know that their lack of support has hurt us deeply. I am so upset I don’t even want to announce when we get married just let everyone hear through the grapevine since we are so important (heavy sarcasm). I also no longer want to travel to see them or keep in contact, since we are not even second best more like a very distant third. I know that is petty and I will soon get over it but being raised by parent who were focused on treating their six kids very equal I feel like I have been slapped.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 29, 2007, 11:11 PM)
I don't understand. Perhaps I missed something. What exactly is it that you expect from your fiance's family? Who isn't treating you equally? I'm lost. Sorry. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
My issue is that they intially promised to contribute $4000 (same as given to my fiance's sister) to a wedding I did not wan't. After months of stressing and planning I find they have no intention to keep their word mostly based on the fact that my Dad is not contributing. I am sorry my Dad does not have the money to pay for it he would if he could but he can't. Even though I did not intially want a wedding I could not help but get excited then I find out it is a no go. How do I let them know there will be no wedding and they will not be invited to our civil ceremony.
This really isn't a question of etiquette, except for the fact that the bride's parents, no parents, are obligated to pay for a wedding for their children anymore. However, if it were me, I would ask my fiance to explain that your father is not in a position to help and that without their promised help you will have to revert back to your original plan to marry at the courthouse. But, I certainly would invite them to attend. Keeping them from the wedding would be hurtful and petty. Try to rise about all of that, even though you are feeling hurt. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
We're not relationship experts here - we give etiquette advice so that is why I said that this is not about etiquette. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Parents promised to pay for wedding - now they won't pay
