I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding for a dear friend of mine who is getting married in March. The sister of the bride (also matron of honor) is planning the shower, and I've been helping her plan.
Recently, I got an email from the sister who said that the bride would like to have the shower at the bride's house. She and her fiance recently moved into a new house, and I'm sure the bride would love for everyone to see their new home.
I'm aware that this is not the "normal" thing to do, that usually a close family friend hosts the shower -- not the sister -- and that the shower is usually held somewhere away from the family of the bride. My mother, who lives in the same town as my friend, offered to host the shower if there were less than 35 people in attendance, but they're expecting about 50 people to come (she's concerned about space in her living room).
- Is it improper etiquette for the bride to have the shower at her own house, even if someone else is "hosting" it?
- Should I say anything to either the sister or the bride? I've been kept informed of the plans to make sure I can attend and to help, but nobody asked me what I thought about the arrangement.
It sounds as if you know your etiquette standards fairly well and probably know the answer already. No, unfortunately it will appear as if the bride is hosting her own shower. So... I don't know where you can hold such a big shower. Perhaps it can be split in two.
Oh, and it is fine if the sister is planning and even hosting as long as she is the MOH.
You are correct, bridal showers are traditionally not hosted by the bride's immediate family as it may be seen as a ploy for additional gifts. Following in suit, since the shower is hosted by a close family friend (or aunt/cousin), the actual event is rarely at the bride's childhood or current home. But do not despair, even this situation has a potential solution.
First, set up a time to speak with the MOH about the shower. You and the other bridesmaids should be listed as the hostesses (instead of the sister - even if it is the sister doing all of the work). Second, since you know the bride would like to have the shower at her new home, you can plan a "surprise" bridal shower in the house with the help of the groom. The MOH can take the bride for a manicure/pedicure beforehand, you and the other bridesmaids enter the home, set up the shower and welcome the guests. Then the bride arrives home to a wonderful surprise.
All situations have solutions, sometimes we just need to be creative.
Shower etiquette question
