Some children are invited to the wedding and others are not?
My youngest brother is getting married. He has 11 nieces and nephews, 3 of whom are not directly involved in the ceremony. My sister-in-law to be has scads of children on her side. They are not all involved in the wedding. I have been informed that my 5 yr old who is NOT involved is NOT invited but my 9 yr old is. We are immediate family. Is this proper etiquette? Thanks
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 5, 2007, 6:47 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 6, 2007, 10:35 AM
Post #2 of 6
(954 views)
Re: [Singer01] Some children are invited to the wedding and others are not?
[In reply to]
Dear Singer,
Proper etiquette dictates that he can invite some and not all, especially those under a certain age. But, I have always had a problem with this because it is a delicate issue and not fair to all. Parents feel very strongly about their children being excluded. There is almost always resentment. So, I always advise not to include children in the wedding if no others are invited. I also advise not to invite any if only inviting some. But, your brother is following main stream etiquette rules.
Re: [Singer01] Some children are invited to the wedding and others are not?
[In reply to]
I agree with Rebecca, however, to invite one sibling and not the other is going overboard. I think the etiquette can be translated or interpreted as inviting some children who are family members and close to the couple, yet not inviting children of guests who are friends or coworkers is more the acceptable. It's a shame to include one sibling and not the other. Perhaps your brother needs to know how this decision would make your child feel? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Singer01
Feb 7, 2007, 5:54 PM
Post #4 of 6
(918 views)
Re: [Singer01] Some children are invited to the wedding and others are not?
[In reply to]
Thanks for the tips.. I think. I am not sure what etiquette laws or books you are reading, but what he is doing is not right by any standard. I know it is their wedding but to exclude some immediate family that are children, and not all even though the excluded ones and non-excluded ones are the same ages, is not right at ALL. Emily Post would probably have something to say about it. I wouldn't have cared if my kids were not invited, but that rule needs to be across the board, not only for 3 children.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Feb 7, 2007, 7:49 PM
Post #5 of 6
(913 views)
Re: [Singer01] Some children are invited to the wedding and others are not?
[In reply to]
That's really what we were saying. The only reasonable way to limit or exclude children is to be consistent. Some invite no children and others invite only the children of immediate family. But, I think what should never be done is to invite one sibling or cousin to come and not the others, or invite the child of a close friend while excluding other children of friends. This is basically what Emily Post has to say about the inviting children issue. But, she's pretty vague about it so much of the decision is still left to interpretation - I believe. Rebecca - do you agree or have something else to say about this? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 8, 2007, 6:52 PM
Post #6 of 6
(888 views)
Re: [Singer01] Some children are invited to the wedding and others are not?
[In reply to]
I completely agree as well. The newest Peggy Post book says that it is fine to invite some, but not all. She is fairly vague on inviting some, but not family members.
Hopefully I will be writing the future books and have the clout to change the rule. I don't feel that it is right. Most likely there are quite a few of us etiquette specialists who feel the same.
Until then, we should exude some common sense, and to invite one sibling and not another isn't fair. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Some children are invited to the wedding and others are not?
