I have seen many posts about who is to walk the bride down the aisle and who is to give her away, but I haven't found anything similar to what I need to ask.
My parents have been divorced for 21 years. Both are happily remarried. I feel it is the biological father's job to walk me down the aisle, and this is what I want. My mother and father are both giving me away. It has been agreed upon by me and my step-mother that there will most likely be no hard feelings if both step-parents are not included in the actual ceremony, however, my step-mother has a huge part in the planning portion. How do I include my step-father so he doesn't feel left out or hurt?
For my sister, both fathers walked her down the aisle and gave her away, and both mothers lit the candle, however, I don't want to take anything away from my biological parents, but I still want to include my step-parents. Is there some wedding ceremony task the step-parents can have to make them feel just as special?
How would he feel about doing a reading during the ceremony? Or you could ask him to serve as an usher. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
That is a tough one if you do not want them to be part of the candle lighting. If they were, then all four of them and your groom's parents could share in that process thus uniting the two families. Other than that, your step-father could help greet guests as they arrive, which is really an ushers job. But, he could talk a bit to them and hand them off to an usher. He could help keep your reception on track and be introduced during your reception. He may even wish to give a toast. If you are using programs, he could be listed also. Hopefully this gives you some ideas. Brainstorm with some girlfriends over a glass of wine. You just might think of a new tradition just for your wedding. Best wishes, Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Thank you for your ideas. I spoke with my step-mother last night and asked her what she thought I should do. She told me that she's perfectly happy helping me plan. I'd already asked her to go with me to pick out my dress (as well as my future MIL, my mother, and all of my bridesmaids). We're using the ring bearer's pillow that was bought in memory of my late younger brother, and wearing the pearls that belong to my step-mother. She says she's absolutely thrilled to have that part in the wedding and says it means more to her to help plan than it would to light a candle or do a reading. She suggested for my step-father that I have a dance with him at the reception after I dance with my father (my mother would be really upset if I didn't have a dance with him since he did help to raise me). Since I'm not able to include him in the planning (he wouldn't be interested in helping plan), I should include him after the fact. I also don't think he'd be interested in doing a reading. We're not close enough for such an intimate role, I just wanted to find a way to include him. Thank you for your advice!
It's nice to hear that you all get along so well, or at least well enough to shop for your dress and plan together.
Have you spoken to your stepfather and asked him what he'd prefer? I respect that you'd like to acknowledge your stepfather's role in raising you so perhaps you could have a very informal chat with him. Let him know how you feel and ask him to choose where he'd feel most comfortable. I wouldn't leave the choices open-ended but give him a list of specific duties you select and ask him to choose from that list.
If you're having a program you could acknowledge him there as well. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Step-parents' roles
