Stepdaughter doesn't want my family at the wedding
My husband wants my family invited to his daughter's wedding. (I never assumed that she'd want me there, let alone, my family). Anyway, we're paying for his side of the family. I insisted that he do this. She just told him that she doesn't want my family there because it will "offend" her mother. My husband is furious and considers them his family and insists that they be there since they've known her all her life. Also, my daughter is in the wedding (her half-sister). My stepdaughter told him he could withdrawal whatever money he was going to give her for his guests just so that her mother's feelings won't be hurt. She also told him that she's afraid that my daughter won't be in the wedding now because I'll be mad. (I don't use my kids.) I don't know what to do. I just want her to have a beautiful wedding. I know this whole drama has been orchestrated by her family out of spite. We have been married for 22 years and her mother obviously is still bitter. I'm hurt but I'll get over it. I don't want to be the source of pain for her because I know her mother will crucify her for it. What do I do?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 22, 2007, 12:24 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 22, 2007, 5:19 PM
Post #2 of 3
(682 views)
Re: [mm] Stepdaughter doesn't want my family at the wedding
[In reply to]
Dear MM,
There really is little anyone can do. Parents are not financially responsible for their children's weddings anymore. So, anything your husband gave her is supposed to be considered a gift, not inviting rights. And, she can invite anyone she wishes.
Finally a good host wouldn't invite people she thinks may offend others. So, she is stuck here as well.
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Jun 22, 2007, 5:51 PM
Post #3 of 3
(679 views)
Re: [mm] Stepdaughter doesn't want my family at the wedding
[In reply to]
Keep in mind that it isn't necessarily your stepdaughter's choice to omit your family but her mother's. I applaud that you are able to see that she is in a difficult place trying to keep her mother happy, so maybe you can explain to your family that this is more the result of your stepdaughter trying to keep the peace. As for your daughter being in the wedding, if she chooses to remain in the party, in spite of the circumstances, that will also demonstrate that you aren't letting your feelings get in the way of your daughter's choice or your stepdaughter having the best day she is hoping for. As for the rest of it, you simply don't have any choice as to who gets invited. And it sounds like your husband is actually taking this harder than even you, so perhaps just try to support him and encourage him to see that his daughter is in a really tough place here and that no matter what happens, you are still family and you will get through this together. Help him to see that this situation doesn't imply that his daughter doesn't care about her relationship with him, but that she feels powerless to do anything else. And this is truly unfortunate given that you have been a family for 22 years. But you can only do what you can do and support each other through this. Best of Luck. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Stepdaughter doesn't want my family at the wedding
