Stepmother of Groom - -mother deceased - knowing my place.
Hi!
My stepson will be getting married this May. We have a great relationship and I've been married to his father for 18 yrs. and we dated for 4 yrs. before that. Stepson's mother passed away 9 yrs. ago. I was concerned with my "place" in regards to the wedding and wedding planning. I do not want to "overstep" my bounds or assume anything. I subtly let my stepson and his fiance know how I felt. They informed me that they really want my input and help. I must say, they've pretty much done everything themselves. I am helping with the planning of the bridal shower, making arrangements for a very nice rehearsal dinner, will be having the bride's parents and siblings over to our home for a little get together and we will be offering them financial assistance (they don't know yet) with the wedding. The thing is (they aren't aware of this) I am a bit nervous about my stepson's mother's side of the family. Believe it or not, I never even met his mother (I heard the divorce was pretty nasty). Even though stepson has never mentioned anything, it is common knowledge that his mother's side of the family greatly dislikes my husband and his side. To the point that when we sent a food tray to the home when his mother died, it was turned away. From what I've heard through the years, both sides of the family did not seem to get along.
So my question is - -on the day of the wedding, would it be improper for me to introduce myself? From what I know, I doubt if they will even acknowledge me. I personally have no problem with these people as I've never met any of them, however, I would like to be gracious and maybe break the ice. I'm also a bit nervous acting as the MOG.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 14, 2008, 6:24 PM
Post #2 of 5
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Re: [Sab] Stepmother of Groom - -mother deceased - knowing my place.
[In reply to]
Dear Sab,
It may be best not to introduce yourself, but allow your stepson to do the introducing. They are the hosts, so they would be doing the introductions. Plus, when there is a great divide such as this, it is usually best to stay away.
Mothers shouldn't be involved in the planning or hosting of bridal showers.
Re: [Etiquette Now] Stepmother of Groom - -mother deceased - knowing my place.
[In reply to]
Thank you so much for your speedy reply. You know?, my stepson is the type to make introductions, I just didn't know what to do if he was preoccupied or something.
As far as the Bridal Shower, I was approached by the bride's sister and mother. They have invited me to the planning meetings. They are asking for my input. Is that ok? There is to be a meeting this Friday with the MOB, myself and all of the bridesmaids. The matron of honor has been calling me and running ideas by me. Although I am flattered, I am just going with the flow so to speak. I've let them know that it is their thing and I will help wherever needed, Financial or otherwise. So am I doing the right thing? I don't want to act too distant.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 14, 2008, 7:27 PM
Post #4 of 5
(356 views)
Re: [Sab] Stepmother of Groom - -mother deceased - knowing my place.
[In reply to]
It sounds like they don't know what is proper. Mothers and sisters (unless also attendants) shouldn't be involved with planning or hosting. This should be a small intimate affair. It sounds like they want to plan something inappropriate. So, perhaps you could inform them that you had been reading about what is proper and suggest that everyone read so no one is embarrassed. Perhaps if you include yourself they won't consider it as an insult.
This is traditionally a gift giving situation that many guests today feel is a double gift grab, so it really must be planned well. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Sab
Jan 15, 2008, 9:58 AM
Post #5 of 5
(339 views)
Re: [Etiquette Now] Stepmother of Groom - -mother deceased - knowing my place.
[In reply to]
Stepmother of Groom - -mother deceased - knowing my place.
