Hello, I am very confused on what to do. My fiance's parents just went through a very messy divorce. His mother and Father do not get along at all. His mother does not want the father's side of the family to come (or the father). My fiance does not know what to do, because he wants to invite them, but his mom told him she does not want to be put in a situation where she has to be around them. I adore his mother and I understand that his father has put her through such misery, but she is putting my fiance through so much pain and stress. What should I do to make my fiance feel better? Also, what should he do about this dilema? It's hard for him to even be excited because he being put in the middle.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Sep 18, 2007, 3:45 PM
Post #2 of 3
(702 views)
Re: [needhelp] Trouble with Groom's parents because of divorce
[In reply to]
It's a shame that these two adults cannot try to put aside their issues and attend their son's wedding in a civilized manner. Has your fiance tried discussing HIS feelings with his mother. Perhaps she doesn't realize how selfish she's being. Maybe he could speak to each of his parent's and get them to agree to ignore one another for this one day.
Good Luck... Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Sep 19, 2007, 7:44 AM
Post #3 of 3
(686 views)
Re: [needhelp] Trouble with Groom's parents because of divorce
[In reply to]
This is certainly becoming an every increasing dilemna for many famlies. Basically though, I agree with the advice you've received already. I think your fiance has to draw a line in the sand around this issue as it may be the first of many. This trouble is between his parents and should not be allowed to put such a strain on him and your wedding day plans. Sure it will be uncomfortable for them and for all of you to some extent, but that is far better than your fiance not having both his parents at his wedding. There will be decisions all along the way in your life together as to how you spend your time with his side of the family, probably chooseing not to mix his mother's and father's families together or have them in the same company, but you can't have two weddings to accommodate this.
Let your fiance know that he will not be being selfish by following his heart and having both of his parents there. His mother is hurting and maybe doesn't even realize how unreasonable this request of hers is, so I wouldn't hold it against her, but he needs to stand strong and let her know that he won't be put in the middle this way. He didn't make the choices that led to their divorce and won't choose to compromise his life just to avoid putting them in this uncomfortable position.
Support him and let him know you will support him in his decision. Best of luck. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Trouble with Groom's parents because of divorce
