Uninvited children coming, parents have plane tickets already
I was just informed last night that my fiance's cousins will be bringing their 5-year-old son to our wedding. We have not sent out invitations yet, but we did send out save the dates addressed only to Mr. and Mrs. My fiance's family lives in a rural part of the country and apparently does not understand why children are not allowed at a formal nighttime wedding, or that the addressees on an envelope are the only ones invited. My fiance's mom was talking to her sister, who told her that the cousins were coming with the child and had already made their plans (I assume this means airline tickets were purchased). His mom didn't tell her that children weren't invited because she didn't know what to do since their plans were set. She says she will tell her other sister to inform that side of the family about the no-kids rule, but I think this will just wind up in disaster - some cousins bringing kids, others mad because theirs were not invited...
It will add a significant cost to hire a babysitter and rent a hotel room at our venue where the sitter and kids can stay all night (hotel will only rent rooms for the whole weekend, not just one night, since it's peak season). I'm very disappointed that his mom didn't speak up. She says we need to lighten up, that plans change, but MY parents are the ones paying for everything, including these additional uninvited little guests! What should we do? Who should pay the extra room and sitter cost? We are probably over-budget as it is right now. Any advice or comments will be appreciated.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Nov 11, 2007, 7:13 PM
Post #2 of 5
(777 views)
Re: [Janbride] Uninvited children coming, parents have plane tickets already
[In reply to]
Dear Janbride,
It is your fiance's job to speak to his mother. If she won't speak to her sister, then he should call the cousins.
The guest is ultimately responsible for their babysitting costs. It is unfortunate, though, that you and your fiance couldn't hire the sitter and pay for the room. That would make it easier on all who must travel.
Re: [Etiquette Now] Uninvited children coming, parents have plane tickets already
[In reply to]
Thanks for the response. My fiance's mom will speak to her sister and subtly ask if the cousins have actual reservations yet, and if not, tell her that kids aren't invited. If so, we're probably stuck with the one kid. She will also talk to her brother and his family and ask them to spread the word on their side about no kids.
Honestly, even if we could pay for another room and a sitter, I don't think they would honor our wishes and keep the kids with the sitter the whole night. FMIL keeps stressing that the cousins are good parents and can control the kids (not true across the board) but the cost is also a major concern. I know that they would not feel comfortable leaving their kids with an unknown sitter all night and then we'd end up eating the sitter/room cost and still have kids running around the reception with no seat assigned to them.
We just put something on our wedding website stating that kids weren't invited, which I know is bad manners, but his mom said that everyone thought that kids were invited because it didn't say specifically that they were not invited. *sigh*
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Nov 11, 2007, 8:24 PM
Post #4 of 5
(769 views)
Re: [Janbride] Uninvited children coming, parents have plane tickets already
[In reply to]
It is perfectly fine to state on your wedding website that you are planning an adult event due to the time of the event. This is logical. It just isn't polite to state this on invitations.
It is difficult when guests just don't know what is proper. It is quite common though--stressful, but common.
Hopefully your other guests won't be upset by seeing the one child in attendance. Most likely it will be a non-event. The child may become tired and the parents retire early. And, you never know, they could decide to ask someone they know in the area to stay with their child.
Re: [Janbride] Uninvited children coming, parents have plane tickets already
[In reply to]
I would suggest finding a couple of reliable babysitters in the area, anyone you might know well and trust, and then have the groom call his cousin to explain. Something like, "Since you weren't aware that our wedding is an adult event, and we understand that your travel plans have already been made, we took the liberty of finding a babysitter...". Who knows, they may welcome the night off. Of course, this advice really depends on the age of the child. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 12, 2007, 9:05 AM)
Uninvited children coming, parents have plane tickets already
