My fiancé and I had decided to make our wedding “adult only.” The one exception was children of the wedding party. We had not encountered any problems with this request until today. I spoke with a friend who casually mentioned that her daughters (ages <1 and 3) are excited about the plane ride to come to the wedding. My wedding is in 5 days. I was so shocked that I didn’t even know what to say to my friend so I didn’t address it with her. Her response card only listed her and her husband. I read the other posts on this topic but due to the short timeline and this new revelation, I was wondering if you had any advice for how to handle this. With only a few days to go, my headcount is set, and my seating arrangements are almost finalized. I don’t even know how to get a babysitter at this point, nor do I feel I should since I did not invite her children to the wedding. My friend has clearly bought plane tickets for her whole family at this point. I don’t know what to say to her since we are essentially “past the point of no return.” My biggest concern is what other guests who respected our “adult only” wish will think when they see my friend’s children.
Any ideas on what I should do? Do I just ignore the kids and hope they don’t make too much noise?
Almost married and slightly panicked.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 16, 2008, 5:52 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 16, 2008, 7:34 PM
Post #2 of 5
(628 views)
Re: Uninvited kids 5 days before the wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Npg,
Since she is a friend, you could ask her if she has a baby sitter lined up because you didn't count on extra guests, especially children. Other than that, you would have to hope that there is enough food, which there should be. And, hope that the children won't be noticed by those who wanted to bring theirs. Unfortunately this is common these days. Many just don't know how to be good guests.
Re: Uninvited kids 5 days before the wedding
[In reply to]
I agree with Rebecca. Maybe you can speak with your fiend honestly and let her know that there have not been any children invited and allowing her children to attend may hurt other parent's feelings. But, you are going to have children there from the wedding party so be sure she understands why they have been invited. That may prove difficult to explain and may make her feel as though you expect these children can behave while hers cannot. Sticky situation.
Think about anyone and everyone you know who may have a teenaged daughter you can call on to assist with babysitting at the wedding, maybe even by having a small room set up just for them.
Good luck with this. I wish people would read their invitations and understand that only those listed on the invitation are invited so we could avoid these messes. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
npg
Jun 17, 2008, 12:47 PM
Post #4 of 5
(602 views)
Re: Uninvited kids 5 days before the wedding
[In reply to]
Thank you both for your helpful advice. I spoke with my friend and as it turns out, she had made plans for a baby sitter to stay with her children during the reception. So, a happy ending for all.
I'd also like to thank you for maintaining this website. I have consulted it many times during my wedding planning and found it to be extremely helpful.
I tired as much as possible to follow the rules of proper etiquette when planning my wedding. And, while I do believe that brides should continue to do this, I've realized that there is some practicality to being a little more blunt these days. For the many people who don't know the subtleties of etiquette anymore, being direct saves you from having to correct their behavior and saves them the embarrassment of being told they were being improper.
Thanks again for all your help,
the no-longer panicked bride
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 17, 2008, 6:50 PM
Post #5 of 5
(591 views)
Re: Uninvited kids 5 days before the wedding
[In reply to]
Ah - disaster avoided!
So glad that there are people out there who still believe that being mannerly is a positive quality. There are just too many of those "Hooray for me, forget you", types out there. Thanks for not being one of them. I'm not sure about the "being blunt" comment, though. You have to be very careful when choosing this approach.
I'm glad that you are finding the site helpful. We all work very hard and appreciate your gratitude. That's what makes it all worthwhile.
Enjoy the wedding and married life. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Uninvited kids 5 days before the wedding
