A friend recently told me that she had an older cousin that she thought highly off and she not only planned to invite to her wedding but wanted her children to participate in it as well. This cousin lives a couple of states away. I would consider this an honor. Her cousin comes from a very well to do family where expense certainly is not an issue. As it turns out, when they were on the phone, my friend was enthusiastically discussing how the planning was coming along and the cousin downplayed her wedding and said that they had made the decision not to come as a family that only she would come and she would bring her parents but the husband would not come and cast off the children's involvement. She said their reasoning was to be able to give her a nicer gift - which she doesn't care about - and she didn't want to have to rent a car. She expressed that she would rather have her family there than receive a gift. The cousin disregarded it. She was very hurt and excused herself politely from the call. Now, she has considered not inviting the cousin at all by telling them they had planned on a smaller wedding with immediate family only because she is hurt by this pitiful display. This wedding obviously means everything to her. A bride can invite whoever she wants to invite right, not just people out of any obligation. How is this best handled?
If your friend is sure that her cousin understood that the children were to be part of the ceremony and that the bride wanted and expected the entire family and the cousin still replied that only the three of them would be attending (her and her parents) then your friend will have to accept that her cousin, for whatever reason, chooses not come without the rest of her family. Maybe she is looking forward to having a few days away, alone? It's unfortunate but something the bride will have to accept if she wants her cousin to attend.
If your friend is unsure that her cousin received the correct message she could speak to her again and/or have someone close to her cousin, such as her aunt, speak to her and let her know your feelings.
Of course, a bride is never obligated to invite anyone but, in this case, it sounds as though she is fond of the cousin and wants her to be there. The bride will have to let her cousin decide if she and her family wil attend. I would invite her as expected and let the chips fall where they may.
At the very least, the cousin IS coming so she does want to be there for this bride! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
The first thought which comes to me is how old are the children? It may be that they have thoughts and ideas of their own which the cousin may be shy about passing on. As the bride is obviously very fond of her cousin it would be sad to now exclude her from the wedding. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
Wedding Blues
