My mother lives 4 hours away. Her and my maid of honor are throwing me a wedding shower in a few weeks. My new mother-in-law lives 5 minutes from us (and 4 hours from my mother where the wedding shower will be). She said she couldn’t go to my shower, which I understand.
I asked her if I should invite anyone from my husband’s family to the shower because I don’t want anyone to feel left out, but I don’t really expect them to drive that far and I don’t want them to feel obligated to send a gift. My mother-in-law told me not to invite my husband's family and not to tell them about the shower. She’s is not planning a second shower for me.
I thought that usually when the families live this far apart; the bride would have two showers. When my brother got married, his fiancés family lived 3 hours from my mom’s so we threw her a shower at my mom’s so she could meet all the women in our family and feel welcome. I like my mother-in-law and I don't want to be mad at her, but I feel really hurt.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 6, 2004, 6:32 AM)
How sad that your mom cannot be at your bridal shower. Maybe your mom can throw her own shower for the friends and family who live in her area. I am not an etiquette expert but I don't see any reason why you couldn't have two showers if all parties are willing. Speak to your mom and then be sure to speak to your mother-in-law to be to make sure everyone understand what's happening and why so there aren't any hurt feelings. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Dear Wants Two Showers, First of all, the family of the bride is not suppose to give the bride, or be involved (officially) in giving the bride a shower. Hosting a shower for a family member is perceived as begging for gifts. Also, you are to provide a guest list, discreetly, to the person throwing the shower for you, because you, the bride does not invite anyone. The party you are thinking of "to get to know the family" is an engagement party, which is usually a non-gift-giving event. This is a gathering usually arranged by your mother for the purpose of meeting the family. Having said all of that, there is no reason not to have more than one shower, especially with the distance involved. Many couples have more than one shower thrown for them. Friends, the best man, bridesmaids, or honor attendant could host the party. And, it could be coed, themed, a lunch, dinner, or tea party--limited only by one's imagination. The shower is no longer the traditional all female, game playing affair. I'm not sure why your mother-in-law does not want her side of the family invited to a shower. Perhaps she doesn't want anyone to feel pressured to buy a gift, but we will never know. The only thing I can think of is to talk to her about organizing a family gathering for everyone to get to know each other, where gifts would not be an issue. You, of course, could offer to help with the planning and execusion. If this is not something she wants to do or to be involved in, I can only suggest to move on. She has reasons of her own that may not include you. Just enjoy your up-coming wedding. Good luck! Sincerely, Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 7, 2004, 11:16 PM)
Wedding Shower Etiquette
