I have a biological Mother who is attending my wedding who is a challenge. I have made the choice to include her and invite her to my wedding because her and I have kept in touch and she's been good to my children. Due to my Mother's issues with emotional problems and martyrdom, she does not get along with anyone else in the family. This is her choice and behavior, not theirs. I have certainly been the peacemaker with her and the only person out of a very large family she keeps in touch with. It appears now that she actually wants to attend my wedding and I'm fine, of course, but concerned. I am generally her "babysitter" in these situations, but since I'm the Bride I can't do that this time around. There is honestly no table I can sit her at where there isn't a concern about her either 1. driving the other people there crazy or 2. a family member she won't be around.
Despite all this, I still would like her to be there. Of all the weddings amongst her children, this will be the 4th and the only one she attended. Any suggestions with what to do to occupy her? She can be a helper, but a demanding one still. She's kind of the crazy, demanding, country woman.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 10, 2007, 11:06 AM
Post #2 of 3
(714 views)
Re: [pamjlc] What to do with Challenging Guest
[In reply to]
Dear Peace Maker,
Perhaps a friend or someone from your groom's family could be her escort. It sounds like she may need someone with her constantly, so this could work. Other than that, I'm at a loss.
Sometimes if these types are left alone though, they have no one to bother and are quiet. I'm not sure if this will be the case here. But, we can only hope.
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Jan 10, 2007, 10:08 PM
Post #3 of 3
(698 views)
Re: [pamjlc] What to do with Challenging Guest
[In reply to]
This is a difficult situation without a doubt but I wanted to just say that it's wonderful that you know you want her to be there and that you are willing to face the hassles and put the kind of effort into this that it requires. Often brides and grooms simply don't want to be bothered with any additional worries on their "special day" and fail to see how relationships can be built or broken by decisions such as this. Your love and effort may be an example to others and I know it will mean a great deal to her mother, not to mention your children. Without seeming to be wishing on rainbows, I would like to think that this event could be an opportunity for your family to rethink the value of relationships in their lives, even the difficult ones.
I like the suggestion of having someone to escort or at least attend to her as needed, so you don't have to constantly concerned about what's happening. You deserve and need some peace of mind and also just to know that she's okay.
Bottomline, you're following your heart and your intuition on this and doing the right thing for you and your mother. The outcome doesn't have to be predictable but just trust and know that because you are doing the right thing, you will always be pleased with your choice and what this has meant to both of you, even if it doesn't go off without a hitch.
Have a fabulous day! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
What to do with Challenging Guest
