Last spring (2007), my brother and his fiance planned their wedding, in which I was to be a bridesmaid, for mid-July 2008. In November '07, my best friend asked me to serve as her maid of honor at her wedding in South Asia on 8/8/08. My husband and I purchased plane tickets to both weddings for the stated dates a couple months ago.
A few days ago, my brother told me that they've changed the date of their wedding to 8/8/08. I said I couldn't attend their wedding on that date. Everyone in my family is furious with me. They say that I should abandon plans for best friend's wedding because a) I accepted brother's invitation to be bridesmaid first, b) no save the dates were ever sent out for brother's wedding, so date wasn't "set in stone", and c) family takes priority over friends. I say changing our plans for 2 major trips is insane, plus I'm much closer to friend than family.
But, I'm wondering if I'm wrong, and that I should attend my brother's wedding because I accepted that position first, even though they changed the dates relatively late in the game (and with no notification to me - their only out-of-town bridal party member). Thanks.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 14, 2008, 9:53 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
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Re: [weddingwitness] Which wedding should I attend?
[In reply to]
Dear Weddingwitness,
The easy answer is that since your brother changed his date, you are not obligated to change your plans, especially when travel is part of the issue. The difficult part of this is the family issue and helping them understand.
Many people cannot afford or cannot attend weddings when they have to travel. From what you have written, you would have to travel for your brother's wedding. In good faith, you made your plans for his first date. So, you followed through with your promise and commitment based on what he stated.
I hope you can help your family understand if you use logic.
Which wedding should I attend?
