My fiance and I are getting married next year and are paying for our wedding ourselves and are on a tight budget. As the most expensive part of the day is really the reception meal, we have worked out how many people we could afford to invite. This was approx 100 guests, however now my mother-in-law has come up with 50 more guests for the grooms side and each day comes up with a new list of who is would be polite to ask. While I want to follow as much etiquette as possible, I am aware that we have a limited budget. My fiance and I had agreed that we would invite a fairly equal number of people who are important to us, but now he doesn't want to disappoint his mother. What do I do? We are not financially in a position to increase the numbers without having to cut back on things like a photographer etc. I am feel like I am being forced to scrimp and save on dresses etc while he is spending all our money on guests he doesn't know simply to keep his mother happy. Who do I HAVE to invite in order to try to keep the peace?
Looks like a heart-to-heart discussiion with your groom is in order here. Put your entire budget on paper and show it to him during your discussion. Point out where you would have to make consessions and where you feel you cannot compromise. Make every effort to show him that you are willing to compromise a bit but that he needs to do the same. Then, ask him to calmly go to his mother to explain your financial constraints. (He could even take along the written budget to make things crystal clear) Maybe she will offer to pay for the additional guests. If not, then your groom must let her know that you simply cannot afford to allow her to invite any more than (insert your top number here) and ask her to submit a revise guest list keeping to that maximum number of guests. I would stay out of the discussions with the mother in law to be as much as possible, allowing the groom to handle his family. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
I completely agree that communication is key here. And, your groom really should talk to his mother. If you find that you cannot help your fiance understand your monetary limits, perhaps outside help would be an option. There are counselors who may be able to assist you as well as clergy members if you are members of a church.
Sometimes men and women talk an entirely different language. For those times it helps to have an interpreter cut through those language barriers.
This is an easy one. You and your fiancé tell his mother how many invitations she is allotted. She can decide who among her friends and family she wants to include. Then, if she wants more, let her know how much the meal is per plate and that you would be happy to extend more invitations if she can cover the cost of the food.
Who to invite?
