Why do I feel guilty if estranged father is not included in the wedding?
Here's the scenerio: Mother and father divorced when daughter was 2 years old. Mother met current husband when daughter was 4 years old and they married when daughter was 6 years old. Father saw daughter once a week during her childhood and teen years. Father remarried when daughter was in high school but that ended in divorce after about 6 years. Since her father's divorce he has not kept in contact with his daughter. Father has not even contacted her on her birthday , Christmas, Easter, etc. It's been 4 years. Her step-father and mother have been the people she turns to all of her life. If something happened to her car in the middle of the night, she called her step-dad. Step-dad and mother paid for her first car and all of college. Step-dad and mother are paying for the wedding. Her father paid a very small amount of child support until daughter was eighteen. Her father never offered to contribute money.
Why do I feel guilty as the mother if he is not included in the wedding? Both my daughter and I are perplexed.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 1, 2006, 11:40 AM)
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Nov 9, 2006, 3:12 PM
Post #2 of 2
(483 views)
Re: [SFB] Why do I feel guilty if estranged father is not included in the wedding?
[In reply to]
It may be out of a sense of guilt or obligation or both, as we expect that both parents will want to be a part of their children's special times in their lives, particularely a wedding. We don't know what your ex is thinking and what he would want, but there's something permanent and irreversible that can't be undone if he doesn't attend her wedding.
That being said, it is really your daughter's decision as to whether she wants him there or not. He has not played a consistent and reliable role in her life and it has been the two of you that she has always turned to and leaned on. Even so, she may want her biological father there even just for sentimental reasons or for the hope of reconciliation and re-connection. Regardless of how others feel about him, or what's hapened in the past, she needs to consider and decide if it is important to her that he be there on her day. Guilt and obligation should not be the deciding factors here. Best of Luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Why do I feel guilty if estranged father is not included in the wedding?
