My brother and I are only 2 years apart in age. We've been very close as we've grown up together. When he was a teenager, he went through a period of time where he was actually quite mean to me. I try to make everyone happy all the time. When my parents suggested that he should play some role in the wedding, I agreed. At first, my parents suggested a groomsman, but we have since decided he should be an usher.
My fiance does not like the way that he treated me years ago (before we were together). He does want him to play any part in the wedding. My fiancee and my brother have a lot of things in common and are able to be together at holidays with no problems. I've let my fiancee know that if I would like for my brother to be an usher in the wedding, he should be able to deal with it and just let it go. He's basically making me choose between having my brother in the wedding of my dreams or getting married in a small ceremony without him there.
I have a very large family and we have had the date set for almost 2 years now. They are all looking forward to the wedding as much as I am. I would hate to cancel it just because my fiancee cant deal with my brother being in the wedding. His family thinks that he should be able to decide all of the men that are in the wedding and I should decide all of the women. Our families are really getting upset over this whole thing. What should I do?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 4, 2007, 3:12 PM
Post #2 of 3
(633 views)
Re: [anj2ajn] brother of bride issues
[In reply to]
Dear Issues,
It seems as if the damage has already been done. But, the groom chooses all of his groomsmen. These should be people he feels close to. Your family shouldn't have a say in this.
This is a perfect opportunity to practice what you two will be doing from now on--negotiating and making your own decisions. A marriage is a partnership and you two will be making your own decisions without other's interference. So, please begin the process now.
Re: [anj2ajn] brother of bride issues
[In reply to]
I totally agree with Rebecca, your fiance is probably feeling resentful because of the bad time you had with your brother. Now it's time to let him know that you've both moved on from that and you have forgiven and forgotten. Again, he does get to choose his attendants but he may be feeling that he's protecting you in some way. Talk it out now. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
brother of bride issues
