Help. My sister and I have a VERY strained relationship at best. We are not close, we are not friends---actually she scares me. I invited her, her two boys and her boyfriend but very specifically did not invite her boyfriends 3 teenage children to attend. I've been at several previous family functions and have never been introduced to the boyfriends children. We had to cut our guest list by over 100 people---we had no idea what it cost---it was very tough. She called, said thanks for the invite, offered to pay for her boyfriends 3 teenage children and said if the 3 children didn't come, her boyfriend wouldn't come, if he didn't come she wouldn't come. I thought about it, but told her it was ok. One thing lead to another and she kept at me as to why I would even invite her if I had nothing to say to her, on and on she went. Finally I spoke the truth, not a very good idea, but told her that she was my sister by accident of birth and it was proper for me to invite her. Well, she got hysterical and told me to have a nice life and she wouldn't be attending. I apologized for being rude, 4 times, but 'she'll never be able to forgive me.' Frankly I'm relieved she'll not be attending. I was very concerned she would cause a scene as she has done many times in the past. I don't have any desire to chase her down and lie to her and tell here I want her and her 6 'attendants' to come. Wedding is in 15 days.
This is not really a question of etiquette but rather a personal decision on your part. Unfortunately, we cannot choose our family like we can our friends. If you and your sister do not like each other and do not get along then perhaps it is for the best that she not attend. You have not mentioned your parents or other family membersbut if they are around perhaps you could discuss the problem with them, being they have a personal relationship with your sister too.
If you feel uncomfortable at all about not having her attend, and question your decision, the only thing left to do is to write her a letter of apology, asking her to please call you to discuss. If she calls you and you can mend fences then great. If she chooses not to call then it is her decision.
I wish you well and hope that you can enjoy your day. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
I agree with the advice from the admin... it is not a pleasant situation to be dealing with so close to your wedding day. If you write to her the ball will then be in her court, and her choice whether or not to come.
Try not to let it spoil your day. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
crazy sister
