I greatly appreciate the advice to my first question. Thank you so much! I guess I need to clarify a couple of things. In making our budget we decided that each party involved would contribute a number, the parties being my parents, my fiance and I, and his mom and dad, who are divorced. Breaking the budget down, each party would be contributing equally. Everyone is doing their part except for my future mother-in-law. She won't contribute, which is fine, that's her choice. But, we are having a small wedding with immediate family and close friends, which is what my fiance and I decided. My fiance's mother sent us a guest list with second, third cousins, great aunts and uncles, potential boyfriends/girlfriends of his cousins. The list is ridiculous, and she reminds us that she won't help out financially. I guess my main question is if somebody won't contribute to the wedding, shouldn't their guest list be somewhat minimal? Isn't that common coutesy that if you don't want to pay that you don't go crazy and overboard? We don't feel that she should be inviting all of these people if she isn't helping out. We decided that we are inviting his immediate family and a few close friends from his mother's list, and we are being more than generous. She disagrees. She feels that she has the right to invite all of the excess people even though we've set out limits to our guest list. I would love to have some information that supports our decisions so that we could communicate out thoughts and feelings to her. Please help!
No, she is the grooms mother and is entitled to invite a few guests. You should give her a limit, just as everyone else has a limit. Your groom will have to tell het to cut her list to (whatever the number you agree upon).
This may sound unfair to you but in days past, the bride's parents would foot the entire bill. Personally, when I was married my father paid for the entire wedding, from soup to nuts. My husband's parents paid for nothing. They had a rehearsal dinner at their home and they paid for their own wedding day clothes but that was it. They didn't even give a gift! ( No, I am not holding a grudge after allfo these years, I just remebred it) But we allowed them to invite 50 guests, which was the total guest list cut in half. My father said it was the right thing to do and I believe that to this day. I always try to do what I know to be the proper thing to do no matter what anyone else does. That way I feel good about myself and I have no regrets. Sometimes, not often though, this tactic actually wakes the less mannerly and makes them aware that they are being politically incorrect! Take the high road...focus on your groom and the wonderful life you will have (especially since you won't be feuding with the mother in law!) and leave all of these negative feelings behind. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
dilema part 2
