I am getting married next year. We pretty much have our budget set up, but we have some problems with my fiance's mother. She basically told us that she won't contribute to our wedding budget, and we accept that. But, when she gave us her guest list, she invited anyone that she wanted, including "potential" boyfriends/girlfriends of my fiance's cousins. What is the etiquette pertaining to making a guest list when you don't contribute to the budget? We feel that inviting his immediate family (on his mother's side, his parents are divorced and we have no issues with his father) is fair and adequate. We don't feel that she should get to make a list of whoever she wants if she doesn't plan on helping us. We also feel that if we have single adults on our list that we don't have to invite a guest for that person. I desperately need some advice! Please help!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 22, 2004, 12:15 PM
Post #2 of 4
(1968 views)
Re: [steph23] dilema regarding budget and guest list
[In reply to]
Dear Dilemma,
There is no etiquette law that dictates that you must allow an extra person as a guest for your single guests. It is an unspoken rule that we allow for an extra person (guest) for those who are elderly or mobility challenged. Other than that, singles are on their own.
As for the guest list, whether or not the groom's side is contributing or not, the bride and groom traditionally split the guest list in half. However, traditionally the groom's family does contribute in many ways.
Usually the groom has a lot of say in who is invited on his side. So, even though she wants to invite all of these 'extra' guests, your groom should have the option to speak up. They should get together and decide who will be invited on 'their' side, with consideration of his father.
Plus, all of this should be discussed with you. This is your wedding. Traditionally, the bride and her mother set the rules for the invitations--no children, no 'and guest', and the number of guests. Actually, more and more, it is the couple that 'sets' the rules, as I believe it should be. So, either way it comes back to your comfort level.
Re: [steph23] dilema regarding budget and guest list
[In reply to]
Perhaps there could be a set number of guests they are allowed to invite. Make it fair though, even though the groom's side is not paying. Who wants this to be a reason for unpleasant holidays in the future? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Nov 1, 2004, 2:13 PM
Post #4 of 4
(1922 views)
Re: [steph23] dilema regarding budget and guest list
[In reply to]
Dear Steph 23,
Please sit down with your fiancé and his mother. Give her a limited number of spaces at the reception. Please be generous and reasonable, but do not have the space be limitless. Then, let her choose which of her list she would like to invite. If she insists on inviting more, tell her you would be happy to do so and that the cost is $-- per extra person.
Remember, smile, don't raise your voice and be firm.
All the best, Jodi R R Smith
(This post was
edited by mannersmith on Nov 1, 2004, 2:15 PM)
dilema regarding budget and guest list
