My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. For personal reasons, my family is neither attending or contributing to our wedding (and only two of my cousins will be attending - the rest of the guest list is half our friends and half my fiance's family). My fiance's parents paid for all of his sister's wedding, but he asked them if they wanted to contribute to ours, and they said no. They are not even contributing to the "traditional" groom's parent's costs, the rehearsal dinner. I feel hurt that they wanted to help pay for his sister's wedding 100% and non of ours. Should my fiance ask them why they did this? They are even paying for the travel costs of his sister and her family to come to our wedding, yet his sister and her family are better off financially than we are.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 9, 2005, 2:26 PM)
As you've stated, you and your fiance plan to pay for your wedding. I don't have any idea why your fiance's parents would be so generous to his sister while refusing to contribute to your wedding in any way. You haven't mentioned, nor is it important, the financial situation of his sister. At this point, you have only his family's emotional support and I'd swallow your pride and get over this issue. Your forcing the issue or focusing on it will only hurt you in the long run. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Many more couples are now financing their weddings these days, so please note that you are not alone. Now, do I think that your fiance should go to his parents to ask why?
My first thought is to suggest that you two just leave it alone and plan the wedding that you two can afford. However, because this is bothering you so much and it doesn't seem as if you will be able to put this behind you, perhaps he should ask his parents why.
If he chooses to do this, please encourage him to approach the subject inquisitively and not interrogatively. They are covering all of his sister's travel costs and that may be more than they can afford. You just never know.
My concern for you is not so much that these parents do not want to contribute but what their reasons are for not helping while they seem financially capable. It could be that they are just very old fashioned and feel the bride's parents should foot the entire bill. If your concern is that his parents are against the two of you marrying more than why they aren't making a financial contribution, then speak to your groom. If he feels he wants to open that can of worms, he should go to his parents and ask them if they have issues or objections to this wedding. This is an area I would let your groom wade into without you by his side. He should let his parents know that his concern is not for the money but rather the reason they opted not to help or to be a part of the planning. Only do this if you really want to know the answer though.
If they say they are fine and all is well then ignore the situation, plan the wedding you can afford and don't hold a grudge. Life is way too short to let money get in the way. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
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edited by TWQadmin on Jan 9, 2005, 2:28 PM)
Jill
Psychotherapist: Second Weddings & Stepfamilies
If it really bothers you and your fiance, then he should have a quiet chat with his parents. It could be though that they believe you can both afford to pay for your wedding, or that they are reluctant to take on the tasks usually managed by the parents of the bride.
Otherwise, just enjoy the wedding you and your partner can afford. Jill Curtis Psychotherapist, Author How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) London, UK http://www.familyonwards.com
fiance's parent's contribution (lack of)
