My father died a sudden death when I was 9. We were very close, I was daddy's little girl, I took his death very hard. My mother has remarried since then and I like my step dad a lot but I'm not sure I want to dance the father daughter dance with him at my wedding. I don't want to offend him but I would like to honor my own real father at that time but I'm not sure how. Should I eliminate the dance altogether, even though we are still planning on doing the mother son dance? I have found a special song that I would like to play in memory of him but it is kind of long. Should I dance to it and if so who should I dance with?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 24, 2004, 10:55 AM
Post #2 of 5
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Re: [angelface__79] how to deal with deceased father's absence
[In reply to]
Your wedding reception should be a happy ocassion. If you do not want to dance with your stepfather, have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that although you like (or love) him and have appreciated him in his role as your stepfather that dancing to this dance would remind you too much of your dad's abscence.
Why not honor your father during the wedding ceremony. This is certainly a time when we miss our loved ones who have passed on. I personally had a simple candle lighting service (very short) during my wedding ceremny for my mother who had [assed. Here is how to peform the service:
Provide a second table at the altar or near the front of the church. On it, place a Memorial Candle in tribute to your loved ones.
Ask your officiant to include them at the beginning of the candle-lighting ceremony. For example, "Before (Bride) and (Groom) light a candle to symbolize their union, they will light a candle in honor of (Loved One), whom they dearly miss, and who they know is present with them here today."
Then, light the Memorial Candle, ask the officiant to say a prayer, then move to the altar to light your Unity Candle.
Light Taper Candles In Memorium
It is traditional to have one or both parents light the individual tapers for their children before the bride and groom light the Unity Candle. If one or both of your parents is deceased, the bride or groom can light the taper and ask the officiant to acknowledge the act before the Unity Candle is lit.
You may also think of using candelabras, and having sisters, brothers, or other family members light a candle for each relative that is no longer with you.
Share a commemorative moment at your wedding ceremony by placing a flower in this memorial bud vase, printed with sentimental words honoring a loved one. In the wedding program mention your ceremony and aknowledge the deceased parent. Personally, I wrote a short "thank you" to my mom for raising me with loving values which allowed me to grow up and into a healthy, loving relationship.
Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 26, 2005, 3:48 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 24, 2004, 11:08 AM
Post #3 of 5
(4592 views)
Re: [angelface__79] how to deal with deceased father's absence
[In reply to]
Dear How to Deal,
Great ideas from the Wedding Queen. And, I agree that this is suppose to be a happy occasion. Perhaps it would be best ti skip the dance entirely.
Re: [angelface__79] how to deal with deceased father's absence
[In reply to]
You could tuck a picture of your dad into your bouquet, so you will feel close to him when you walk down the aisle.
If your wedding has a prayer, you could include your dad in it by praying for those deceased who inspired the couple to learn the true meaning of love, then list them by name.
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Aug 26, 2004, 10:02 PM
Post #5 of 5
(4560 views)
Re: [angelface__79] how to deal with deceased father's absence
[In reply to]
Dear Angelface,
There are many ways to honor your father during your wedding. Do speak with your wedding officiant to ask what he/she prefers. Some ideas are to have a prayer said, candles lit, have flowers set on a seat on the alter, bells rung, etc. If there is a special song you like, you can have the song played at the very beginning of the ceremony as the guests are settling in before the processional starts. As for the dances, there are no "requirements" mandating which dances to have. It is up to you and your fiancé to choose which ones you want. While you do not "have" to have a father daughter dance, you may want to include your step-father, especially if he has been good to you over the years. You can dance with your mother for half a dance and then your step-father for the second half. Be creative.
All the best, Jodi R R Smith
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 26, 2004, 10:11 PM)
how to deal with deceased father's absence
