how to tell bride's parents we would like to plan our own wedding?
I am recently engaged (I'm the bride), and I never really gave much thought to who planned and paid for the wedding. My parents have taken the lead in setting a budget and starting to look at locations, but I am quickly realizing that my fiance and I have very different ideas about what we would like. We are more than happy to contribute to the wedding, as are my fiance's parents. However, my parents have taken the suggestion from the groom's parents that they would like to contribute poorly (no exact figure has been discussed yet, but their reaction to even the idea was extremely negative), and have begun to pressure me into agreeing that whatever they decide to do will be acceptable. I believe they are worried primarily about relinquishing control over aspects of the wedding (to my fiance and I, not to the groom's parents, who do not want to be involved in planning), and also that I would somehow be indicating that whatever they would put together would be inadequate by wanting to take the offer of money from the groom's parents and/or contribute myself. I would like to go to them and suggest that my fiance and I take the helm with regard to planning and cobble together our own budget from all three sources (both parents and us) as I believe has become customary recently -- I am more than happy to have them involved in the planning, but want to make my own decisions without fighting them for control every step of the way. I am worried, however, that they will inevitably react *extremely* poorly (I've already been accused of not respecting their wishes to throw this event for us, and of being selfish and materialistic for wanting to accept money from my fiance's family and contribute ourselves) and that it will cast a shadow over the whole event. Help!!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Dec 29, 2006, 6:03 PM
Post #2 of 2
(542 views)
Re: [tennisgrrl] how to tell bride's parents we would like to plan our own wedding?
[In reply to]
Dear Tennisgrrl,
More and more couples are paying for their own weddings these days as parents are no longer financially responsible. However, many times parents will contribute as weddings can be quite expensive. Having said that, even if parents contribute, the couple plans, as the money is a gift. Long gone are the days that the bride's parents foot the bill and plan everything. Perhaps your parents just do not know this.
You could suggest that they could find this information in any etiquette book or on this site. We focus on the most up-to-date etiquette.
how to tell bride's parents we would like to plan our own wedding?
