my daughter eloped in Sept. We have been planning an Oct. wedding for her, but they didn't want to wait, (her husband is in the Navy). is it still ok to have the traditional wedding? They were married by a jp, how should the invitations be worded? Any help is greatly appreciated. She is my only daughter and I want her to have the wedding that both she and I have been dreaming of since she was a child, but I don't want to have any offended guests either.
thanks! confused mom
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Jan 26, 2005, 2:20 PM
Post #2 of 6
(2034 views)
Re: [skyleesmomsrb3] need help with my daughters wedding!!!
[In reply to]
Dear Need help,
It is the general consensus that your daughter would be celebrating a renewal of vows since she is already married and your invitations should reflect that.
You can have the "wedding" you dreamed of but it would be a celebration of marriage rather than a wedding. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 26, 2005, 4:36 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 26, 2005, 4:51 PM
Post #3 of 6
(2023 views)
Re: [skyleesmomsrb3] need help with my daughters wedding!!!
[In reply to]
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 26, 2005, 5:34 PM)
Pastor Buddy
RELIGION EXPERT
Jan 26, 2005, 9:24 PM
Post #4 of 6
(2011 views)
Re: [skyleesmomsrb3] need help with my daughters wedding!!!
[In reply to]
Dear Confused Mom,
May God bless you and yours in your dilemma and may He give you wisdom. First, God cares very much about your daughter, her husband and their marriage.
The elephant in the middle of the living room is the fact your daughter and son-in-law made the deliberate decision to get married by a JP and not in October. You do not say why except that her husband is in the Navy – not really a reason. Was the dream wedding really hers as well as yours? What does your daughter want now? Is her disappointment as great as yours? What are the feelings and expectations of your son-in-law’s parents?
The rules of etiquette and formality pale in contrast to the above. It appears to me the above needs some soul searching before proceeding with wedding plans. Assuming the above is addressed and your daughter and her husband want the “dream wedding,” the following is my best advice.
The service in question is neither a renewal nor a marriage ceremony. There are many profound reasons for a renewal and this does not appear to be one of them. It is not a marriage ceremony because that event occurred legally by a JP. The only valid reason left is a spiritual one. Many folks do a marriage renewal because they have become closer to God and feel their legal JP ceremony was not with God’s blessings.
If God’s blessing is what is desired, God will. If God is invited to be the center of their marriage, He will. I would be completely upfront with friends and family and letting them know they were married by a JP and now want the blessing of God in their marriage. I would create the invitations with similar verbiage:
The honour of your presence is requested at the Spiritual Union through Holy Wedlock of Mr. and Mrs. Your Daughter's Married Name Date Time Location
You My Want to add at the bottom right the verses from the Bible Genesis 2:22-24
In conclusion, family and guests who have God in their heart will understand and celebrate the Holy Union. The others, well the others, will never understand no matter what you say.
Re: [Pastor Buddy] need help with my daughters wedding!!!
[In reply to]
dear Pastor Buddy;
I thank you for your guidance. I know my daughter would like to have the church wedding with God's blessings. She was raised in the church, and has only started to not attend since she moved away from home, (in June 05). Her husband, I believe, is the one who doesn't want the "fuss" of a church wedding. As to what her parents-in-law feel, unfortunately, they do not know yet. My son-in-law does not want them to know. My husband and I, along with our daughter, have tried to persuade him, but he is remaining firm in his resolve to not tell them. We are in a real bind, I don't feel that it is my place to tell his parents, and I don't feel that our daughter should tell them either. Whatever his issues are with not wanting them to know, she has to live with him. Please pray for us all, and ask for guidance for her.
thank you
mother of the bride
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 27, 2005, 10:33 AM
Post #6 of 6
(1991 views)
Re: [skyleesmomsrb3] need help with my daughters wedding!!!
[In reply to]
Etiquette is simply the protocol we use in a given situation. It is a set of rules recognized as socially acceptable behavior. We recognize an etiquette for every thing we do, such as the proper etiquette for our email use known as netiquette and of course the proper etiquette for weddings. It is important to consider socially acceptable etiquette for your daughter's event to avoid embarrassment.
Enough of me talking; let's hear from some better known experts.
The Bride's Book of Etiquette, pg 92: "Whether they have eloped, gotten married in city hall, or reached a special wedding anniversary, many couples decide to have a reaffirmation ceremony, during which they repeat their marriage vows to each other."
The book does not mention that this needs to be religious in nature. Our vows to each other is our promise of love.
On page 303 of the same book, "Why a reaffirmation? The first ceremony was a civil ceremony or the couple eloped. The couple wish to mark a milestone in their relationship. The couple are finally able to afford the 'wedding of their dreams'. The couple recently overcame hardship. The couple's children wish to host a reaffirmation for their parents."
Under each of these categories, which are merely examples, there are detailed paragraphs describing why the decision may have been made because of these reasons.
Finally, let's look at what Peggy Post says in her Emily Post's 17th edition, pg 512: "Years ago, a couple wishing to reaffirm their wedding vows waited until their tenth or twenty-fifth anniversary. But now the happy pair can ceremoniously vouch for their commitment to each other any time they please. Couples might want to celebrate in connection.... Or, they could be marking the end of a difficult time in their lives. Still other might have gotten married on a shoestring and now want a large wedding, or have had a civil ceremony and want to add a spiritural component to their vows."
From the etiquette point of view, there are many reasons that a couple may wish to reaffirm and it is not our place to judge why the couple married and want to now reaffirm their vows. But, if a person is married, they cannot have another wedding without getting a divorce and remarrying. The ceremony is called a reaffirmation or a renewal of vows for the legally married couple. Besides this being a socially acceptable view, it is only logical.
need help with my daughters wedding!!!
my daughter eloped in Sept. We have been planning an Oct. wedding for her, but they didn't want to wait, (her husband is in the Navy). is it still ok to have the traditional wedding? They were married by a jp, how should the invitations be worded? Any help is greatly appreciated. She is my only daughter and I want her to have the wedding that both she and I have been dreaming of since she was a child, but I don't want to have any offended guests either. 
