My fiance has demonstrated a lack of knowledge of both etiquette and the reason for etiquette. (As demonstrated other ways than illustrated here) We settled on a date and he told his entire family before I got to run the date by my parents. He also seems to think that some of his family will not come if not given ample notice, ample notice I think is great, a year is ridiculous. If they need that much time to get a family member's wedding on the calendar how close are they really? The date ended up being my Grandfather's 80th birthday. Now we have to find a new date. I'm trying to figure out how to keep him from calling the whole family and telling them before we get some details ironed out, like date and actually having the church reserved. Since about 4 hours after we got engaged I have felt like his family has been on me to have everything decided yesterday or better yet last week. While that would be great, I'm going going through a very stressful career change, and live 1600 miles from the wedding site. I need a way to politely but firmly keep the family in check (and myself sane) without saying get the h*** out of my wedding. Any thoughts on keeping myself sane, and my my fiance from thinking his family won't be there would be much appreciated.
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Feb 27, 2007, 2:13 PM
Post #2 of 4
(922 views)
Re: [stellagirl] ready to beat fiance with emily post
[In reply to]
I didn't really see anything that your fiance did that was etiquette contrary. Maybe there was more that you just didn't divulge.
It does appear that you and your fiance need to sit down and talk to each other about the wedding, and understand each's respective expectations for it. As for him letting the family know a year out, that is not ridiculous. Many couples give their family this type of notice and it has nothing to do with how close they are. Not everybody can take off quickly. Others, especially if they are going to be in, or have to travel to the wedding will appreciate the extra time to prepare. Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
stellagirl
Mar 5, 2007, 4:21 PM
Post #3 of 4
(856 views)
Re: [expertplanner] ready to beat fiance with emily post
[In reply to]
My understand of etiquette and maybe I'm wrong is that etiquette is behavior that follows common sense and avoids alienating or otherwise making others feel awkward. It seems to me that checking with the bride's family before telling everyone your wedding date is common sense. As for the year in advance being ridiculous notice, a year in advance of our original date was less than a week after we became engaged. My issue is not that they asked for this notice but that they demanded the notice and called repeatedly until they got it. Maybe I'm over reacting because my family is about 6 million times more laid back and everyone has said let me know and I'll be there. It just seems that needing (demanding) to know a date when the couple hasn't even had a chance to share the news with everyone yet isn't very polite.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 5, 2007, 5:00 PM
Post #4 of 4
(850 views)
Re: [stellagirl] ready to beat fiance with emily post
[In reply to]
There are a lot of different types of people in the world and some need or like to plan well ahead of the date of events. If you set a date, it seems that your fiance had every right to give the date out. Now that the date has changed, it will simply be a different date.
Even if your future in-laws want answers, if you don't have any, just say that. It is a positive that they want to know.
ready to beat fiance with emily post
