My daughter, first was invited to an engagment shower. I've never heard of such a thing, nor has anyone I know. Now she's getting married and plans on having an engagment shower (from the grooms family) *in addition to an engagment party, as if they are separate events* I feel embarrassed by this, to ask my friends and family to such an unheard of event. So is this something new/appropriate? Is there such a thing? Please advise.
Yikes! No, you are correct. This is not appropriate. Hopefully you can talk her into listening to you or directing her here. And for the family to host it? This does seem like a blatant grab for gifts. I feel for you.
I've never heard of an engagement shower either. Are you certain she's not confusing this with a wedding shower?
If she really means an engagement shower maybe you can ask her to find something, somewhere, in writing that states this is an actual, acceptable event. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Here's my question -- what's your daughter's intention? What is the outcome she'd like as a result of the engagement shower? That's where I'd meet her.
If you make her wrong and try to convince her of your thinking, you're likely to have a conflict around it. By meeting her first where she's coming from and seeking to understand what she's wanting to happen and why, you get to treat her like the adult she is.
She's getting married and she has her wishes, hopes, and desires. Connect with her around what she wants now and in the future, and where she's coming from first.
Then, she'll be much more receptive to your input.
If it is not about gifts, she can certainly have a celebration and ask for people's Presence instead of presents. If it is about more gifts, then explore with her what her thoughts are, and why ... Emily Bouchard, MSSW, Life Coach, Speaker, and Trainer
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