Are destination wedding guests obligated to bring gifts?
My questions are regarding my recent wedding (10 days ago) which was an incredible learning experience.
We had a destination wedding in Vegas and were shocked when 7 groups out of 17 attending did not give a card - never mind a gift. To date, we have received 2 gifts from the 15 or so who declined attendance.
We did not register anywhere because we didn't really need anything and figured people would either give cash or send something to our home.
My questions are as follows:
1. I thought it was proper to give a gift even if you didn't attend - but most certainly if you attend the wedding - is this accurate? I know I have been to many weddings and wouldn't think of ever coming empty handed! Even when not attending - I make sure to send a gift. Am I right?
2. Is there a different set of rules for destination weddings?
3. Should we send thank you cards to all who attended - even if they couldn't but a $3 card?? My initial thought was yes, but the more I think about it - they couldn't even buy a card???
4. One person said that they had a full year to buy a gift. I thought that this rule applied to people who could not afford a gift at the time of the wedding (which is certainly not the case here!). This sounds very dumb to me - a full year?
Please help! Thanks very much, Tom
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 9, 2005, 12:32 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Nov 9, 2005, 1:19 PM
Post #2 of 2
(2574 views)
Re: [fenway] Are destination wedding guests obligated to bring gifts?
[In reply to]
Dear Tom,
Gifts should never be expected especially when it comes to a destination wedding or for the encore wedding. After all, you asked people to spend money to watch you get married. This is your day, not theirs. So, it is not viewed as 'special' to others as it does to you.
1. Some etiquette experts still believe that an invitation to a wedding is an obligation to give a gift. This is not something I and many like me believe. A gift should be from the heart. However, I believe that if someone attends a wedding, he should send a gift. We shouldn't expect it though.
2. An invitation to a destination wedding should never obligate someone to give a gift. This is an expense for the guests. We should be sensitive to this fact.
3. No. You would only send thank you cards to those who gave you a gift.
Hopefully you did something special for those who did attend though. It is generous of them to travel to spend this time with you.
4. There is no such thing as a time limit on sending a gift. I don't know where these silly rules come from, but it is not true. It is also incorrect for some to think that they have a year to send thank you notes. These should be written and mailed as soon as the gifts arrive.
Please focus on what is important. You married the person with whom you want to spend your days. This is the most important element.
Are destination wedding guests obligated to bring gifts?
