My wedding is a month away, and - as expected - quite a few out-of-town guests cannot attend. Some of these are emailing or calling me directly to apologize personally for not attending (very thoughtful), and they also ask where we are registered.
I really do not want guests to feel obliged to give a gift whether they are attending or not. In particular, some of my friends who are not attending from out of town seem to be giving unnecessarily lavish gifts - perhaps thinking (as I have thought myself when invited to other weddings), that a nicer gift "makes up" for not attending and ensures that the non-attendance will not be perceived as a slight.
Is there a polite way to discourage someone (who directly asks for registry info) from giving a gift? I do not want to feel that the invitation made them feel obligated to give a gift. (Note that we specifically did not invite anyone we knew couldn't make it - all these are close friends who were appropriate to include, but who just live in different parts of the country/world.)
Thank you!
Editted to include: What about "Dear So-and-so, We are sorry you can't make it! I hope you are doing well and having a good summer. Please do not worry about sending a gift - we can all go out to celebrate when we see each other in [City X]" ... or ... ".... The best gift would be seeing you in person - hopefully we can meet up in [City X], or you are always welcome here."
(This post was
edited by futureplanning on Jul 30, 2007, 12:04 PM)
Thank you for your reply and nice words. I emailed my friend a variation on the wording above, and she responded with a (nicely) insistent re-request for the registry information. So, I told her but said that whatever she picked out would be appreciated. Good to get confirmation on my approach in general. Thanks again!
Thank you very much for that ray of sunshine. It can get a bit dim at times with with so many requests for gifts flying around. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Discouraging gifts?
