My best friends eloped 10 years ago. They have now decided to have a Vow Renewal Ceremony. I have been asked to stand in as Maid of Honor, to which I readily agreed. I am the only member of the bridal party. I was told they were going with a "theme" and my dress would cost me $200. It ended up closer to $500 and I still haven't purchased shoes.
She showed me a copy of the invitations when they came in and I was surprised to see "Registered at ...." on the bottom. Are guests required to bring gifts to a Renewal Ceremony? I have already put out much more money than expected and am stressing at having to purchase a gift as well. I don't want to seem cheap but I am confused by this.
I have asked friends and family about this and received mixed answers. I am hoping the experts can help.
Thank you.
Confused Maid of Honor
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jan 25, 2007, 8:26 AM
Post #2 of 3
(448 views)
Re: [Metalhead] Gift for Vow Renewals
[In reply to]
I think your friend is the confused person in this story. Vow renewals are not weddings. There are usually no attendants (unless they are recreating the original bridal party) and the vow renewal is not considered a gift giving event. Furthermore, gift information is never included with an invitation. (unless it's a bridal shower invitation because the focus of this party is the gift.)
Now, on to how to let your friend know without causing a rift in your friendship. Without knowing either of you, and your personalities, my suggestion would be to invite her to lunch to discuss. Bring along a copy of an etiquette book stating that gifts are not obligatory for a vow renewal ceremony and that invitations do not contain gift inforamtion. Begin by letting her know that you care abut her and want her to be perceived as the lovely, respectful person you know her to be. Remind her that a good host always considers the comfort and feelings of her guests above hers. This holds true for any event, even weddings. Sorry to all of you brides with the "my day, my way" syndrome.
Be prepared for her to be adverse, though.
Good luck and let us know how it all turns out. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 25, 2007, 10:39 AM
Post #3 of 3
(446 views)
Re: [Metalhead] Gift for Vow Renewals
[In reply to]
Dear Confused,
It appears that the bride, no wife, no... It appears that your friend has her vow renewal confused with a wedding. And, even for a wedding we never list our registry on invitations.
The damage has been done here. But, I feel that her guests may be having very negative thoughts about this. She broke all of the rules and expects everyone to treat her as if she is a bride.
Gifts are not expected for a vow renewal. Sometimes for the bench mark anniversary vow renewal (25+) we will give one.
It may be best for her to read about vow renewal etiquette, although at this point it may upset her to know what people just may think.
I'm sorry about the dress. There is no MOH for the vow renewal and she shouldn't have demanded a dress for you.
Gift for Vow Renewals
