Help! Our wedding is coming up very soon. One of the only situations that has my future bride and I in disagreement is opening of the gifts, specifically the envelopes.
My family, of European descent, knows the tradition of the 2 families getting together the following day, eating dinner together, and opening the gifts together. My future bride has no problem with most of that, but doesn't feel that our parents should be privy to the contents of our envelopes.
I know different regions have different traditions, but in our situation, we are of mixed heritage, I guess. Her family is very much American, and follows the loose traditions of our country. My familiy is in America, but they still like to carry on some of their European traditions.
I'm at a loss. How do I best handle this situation?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 14, 2005, 4:30 PM
Post #2 of 5
(1730 views)
Re: [GroomSoon2] Gift opening tradition... Help!
[In reply to]
Dear Wants Tradition,
There are many older traditions that don't seem to fit in our lives anymore, such as the dollar dance. This is one of those times I believe that it is best to ask yourself why. Does this tradition make sense and do we need to follow it? Why does everyone need to see the gifts? Why even do this?
If at the end of asking logical questions you still feel as if this is an important tradition to you, then you may need some outside assistance. It really isn't fair to ask someone to do something that feels uncomfortable to her or him. Someone outside your families with an unbiased opinion would be much more helpful.
Actually, my family was originally from Europe, but none of us follow or followed this tradition. It is a regional tradition.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Gift opening tradition... Help!
[In reply to]
Thank you for the prompt reply, Rebecca.
The truth of the matter is that my parents would like to know what kind of gift their friends or relatives gave. They know how much they give when attenting other's functions, and I think they want to be one the same level. If friend X gives us $200, they would do the same for them. If friend Y only gives $30, when my parents have always given $100 -- I'm not sure what they would do different... but they'd like to know I guess.
However right or wrong that mentality is... I believe that's part of the reason they want to this, along with the tradition.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 14, 2005, 5:02 PM
Post #4 of 5
(1724 views)
Re: [GroomSoon2] Gift opening tradition... Help!
[In reply to]
It is my pleasure.
I'm sure you are right about this and here lies the problem. I can't even tell you how many messages I receive from people telling me that they were contacted by family members of the happy couple about the monetary gift they gave or lack of one. I'm sure your family wouldn't do this, but so many do. The parents or other family members may feel slighted if they had given a generous amount and the guest had given what they consider a modest amount.
Money is such a strong motivator. It can get very ugly sometimes.
Re: [GroomSoon2] Gift opening tradition... Help!
[In reply to]
Please ask your parents to reconsider this tradition. Remind them that the focus of this event is not gifts and money but love and commitment. Gifts should be given from the heart and within a giver's budget. No one should be made to feel as though they have to give a gift based on what someone else gave. This is one of the biggest reasons NOT to have this gathering and why giving a gift is preferred. Spending the time making a purchase, thinking about the couple and giving them something that will have meaning -- like a keepsake-- something they can look at in 25 years and reminisce.
The best gifts I have ever received were not always the most expensive (although I have received some nice expensive gifts too!). But the gifts that I knew were selected just for me, by someone I care about, and maybe one that I would never buy for myself -- these gifts mean the most.
Just my 2 cents...end of sermon. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 14, 2005, 5:20 PM)
Gift opening tradition... Help!
