Giving a wedding gift to a couple who didn;t give us a gift
In 2004, a friend of ours took photos of us that we used at our wedding and as an engagement photo. We tried to pay for her time, they said no, so we took them out to dinner. We tried to pay for the development but again they said no and also we didnt know where the photo place was. I asked numerous times but no replies. A few weeks later at our engagement party we received as a gift a book with the photos and negatives. It was an awesome gift. Fast forward about 8 months later in 2005 we got married. The friends came to the wedding, how much they love us etc but we never received a gift. What we can not figure out is why? Others have commented that etiquette says they have 1 year. Its now been over a year and nothing. Some have said that the photos were the gift. but how can that been when its 2 different events months apart? should we feel slighted? i am told that it happens but it feels wierd, especially now that those friend are engaged to be married. It's hard not to feel hurt. My husband says we don't owe them a gift since we didn't get one but I don't want to be like that.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 21, 2008, 6:15 PM)
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Jun 2, 2006, 6:57 AM
Post #2 of 6
(1140 views)
Re: [lisal] gift giving- if your friend doesnt? how to feel?
[In reply to]
Accept the gift as the photo service they did for you and forget it. A gift is not obligatory at a wedding. Therefore, if you don't get invited to a shower for this couple, you are not obligated to bring a gift. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 2, 2006, 7:44 AM
Post #3 of 6
(1136 views)
Re: [lisal] gift giving- if your friend doesnt? how to feel?
[In reply to]
Although many etiquette experts believe that gifts are expected from wedding guests, it is my belief, and the belief of our other experts, that gifts should be given from the heart. If you want to give this couple a gift, do so. But gift giving should never be a matching game. The cost of the gift should be determined by your budget and by the value you put on the relationship. There could be many reasons this couple did not give you a "wedding" present though - even that they sent something that was lost in the mail. Maybe it was true that they considered the photos as one large gift. You said it was an awesome gift so appreciate it and move on. Countering them with "not giving" will probably hurt your relationship. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 2, 2006, 10:10 AM
Post #4 of 6
(1126 views)
Re: [lisal] gift giving- if your friend doesnt? how to feel?
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. Plus, they didn't have to give you an engagement gift. The engagement party is not a gift giving event. Some close family may, but guests are not expected to give.
So, you received your gift. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
lisal
Jun 2, 2006, 10:58 AM
Post #5 of 6
(1118 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] gift giving- if your friend doesnt? how to feel?
[In reply to]
we would never counter their not giving with not giving at their wedding. we just dont understand the situation and leave us feeling awkward. we sent the thank you after the engagement for the photos and took them to dinner. its ambiguous what the photos were meant for - whether engagement or wedding and not sure if supposed to thank again?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 3, 2006, 3:50 PM
Post #6 of 6
(1094 views)
Re: [lisal] gift giving- if your friend doesnt? how to feel?
[In reply to]
I made that comment since you said:
"my husband says we dont owe them a gift since we didnt get one".
It seems you have already thanked them for he photos. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Giving a wedding gift to a couple who didn;t give us a gift
