It is to my understanding that gifts are given to the bridal party and to our parents. This is normally done at the rehearsal dinner if I am not mistaken. The gifts are given as a "thankyou" right? To the wedding party for being in your wedding? To your parents for their help? Am I correct so far? My fiance's parents have said they want to help us with the costs. My parents are divorced and my father has also offered to help pay for whatever we need help with. On the other hand, my mother has (of course) not offered any help what so ever with the wedding costs or planning. I live over 10 hours away from my immediate family and her solution to me having no one to go dress shopping with (we just moved) was for ME to do the traveling so that her and my sister could go with me....how relaxing and fun would that be for me?? So my question is, at the rehearsal dinner, am I still expected to give my mother a "thankyou" gift? I guess on one hand I would feel bad not giving her something, but on the other hand....is it fair for everyone else to help out and receive some sort of recognition for it and for my mom to not help out and still receive recognition for just being my mom? I want to do the right thing and right now I'm torn
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Mar 22, 2006, 10:15 AM
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Re: [superspaceystar] Giving gifts to our parents and bridal party
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Gifts are given only if you want to give them. Only you can decide what, and if, to give. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
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Mar 22, 2006, 10:32 AM
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Re: [superspaceystar] Giving gifts to our parents and bridal party
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I couldn't agree more. Gifts to the parents is optional, as it is with all gift giving. And, only you can make that decision. But, it is best to not base our gift giving on what others have done for us. Gifts are not supposed to be just a payment or something used to balance the scales. Gifts are something we give because we want to give.
You may give your attendants their gifts during a tea or some sort of gathering you host. This could be a 'work' party where they also help with the invitation stuffing. Any time you can arrange to be with them is a good time to give them their gifts. The same goes for your fiance. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
superspaceystar
Mar 22, 2006, 10:53 AM
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Re: [Et.byRebecca] Giving gifts to our parents and bridal party
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I toattly understand what both of you are saying. And of course I know that gifts are something that you give because you want to. My fiance and I would WANT to give the gifts as a "thankyou" gesture not...as you say, as...
"....... a payment or something used to balance the scales." That's obviously not what I was saying. And these would be gifts that we would want to give to show our greatfulness for their help. So...maybe I should have asked how you would SUGGEST (cause I know only we can decide......but this is why you have this sight, to offwer up suggestions and advice, right?) we give out our "thankyou's" without making my mother feel horrible? As I said, before, I'm torn and stuck with ways around this situation. Thankyou!
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Mar 22, 2006, 12:21 PM
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Re: [superspaceystar] Giving gifts to our parents and bridal party
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If you want to give the gifts, don't give them during the rehearsal dinner. The gifts don't have to be given during this party. Give them at another time. You will take the awkwardness out of the situation.
Just because people usually give the gifts during the rehearsal party doesn't mean that it has to be done this way. Give the gifts in a manner that suits you. In fact, I've never been comfortable giving gifts for some and not all. So, I wouldn't give my gifts during this time. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
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Mar 22, 2006, 1:46 PM
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Re: [superspaceystar] Giving gifts to our parents and bridal party
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Honestly, if you are this worried and concerned for your mother';s feelings then give her "a little something". Even if she hasn't sone a darn thing for the wedding I'm sure you can come up with something to thank her for...maybe just for giving birth to you!? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Giving gifts to our parents and bridal party
