I was invited to 4 weddings this year. All are people I know pretty well. Although I was only able to attend one of the weddings, I sent each couple a nice wedding gift far enough in advance of their weddings. First, I had to follow up via email on each and every one of the 4 separate wedding gifts to find out if they indeed received the gift. None of them bothered to contact me to say it had arrived. This was irritating because I always had to be the one to confirm delivery. Long story short, the USPS is not always reliable even though I paid for extra services such as insurance and signature confirmation. One couple was married in June, and I have yet to receive a thank you note from them for an expensive gift sent in May, about a month advance of their wedding. I had to contact the couple because the tracking information had stated attempted delivery, and it required a signature. Then, I was informed the driver carelessly left at their residence. But the couple never bothered to contact me acknowledging receipt of the gift. When I finally received an email response back they thanked me for the gift, but told me they were waiting to open it until after the wedding. I realize they have up to 3 months to send out a thank you, but I have a feeling they used their email acknowledgement as the only "thank you" I will get. This feeling is based on their past lack of courtesy, such as failing to thank me for prior gifts. They didn't even bother to thank me for coming to the wedding. The second couple is getting married in next month. They knew months ago that I would not be able to attend this wedding, and this was far in advance of sending out their invitations. Yet, I still received an invitation. So, I sent a gift as a courtesy. Again, I had to initiate an email asking if they even received the gift because of postal concerns. When I finally received the email response from them, there was no thank you. Just a short statement that it arrived. Am I just expecting too much out of these people???? Should I just be satisfied by the fact they received the gift (by their email response), and expect no formal thank you from them at all???? I believe a formal thank you is in order, but how do I tactfully let these couples know that it is rude to not send one? Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 9, 2005, 6:12 PM
Post #2 of 3
(4083 views)
Re: [bnp] Guest not receiving thank you notes
[In reply to]
Dear Generous Guest,
It wouldn't be appropriate to tell them how rude it is not to acknowledge a gift with a formal thank you letter. This would be considered as rude as their behavior. Although sometimes it is tempting.
I have noticed that many people do not know how to write thank you notes and when it is appropriate to do so. Many think that they have one year to do this also. There really is no appropriate time-line. We are simply supposed to write these as soon as possible.
So, are you expecting too much? Perhaps from these people. However, in my opinion each person should have acknowledged the arrival of your gifts. Even if a person is going to open the gift after the wedding, this person should thank the giver (you) for the gift and promise a formal thank you after the wedding.
I am sorry that this happened. It definitely has nothing to do with you.
Etiquette lessons anyone??? Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
bnp
Aug 10, 2005, 11:00 AM
Post #3 of 3
(4070 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Guest not receiving thank you notes
[In reply to]
Rebecca,
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your perspective and advice on this matter. While it is tempting to address the neglectful parties involved, I will just have to chalk this one up to experience. Their display rudeness sure takes the joy out of what I always enjoy doing: creating a happy gift giving experience.
Guest not receiving thank you notes
because I always had to be the one to confirm delivery. Long story short, the USPS is not always reliable even though I paid for extra services such as insurance and signature confirmation. One couple was married in June, and I have yet to receive a thank you note from them for an expensive gift sent in May, about a month advance of their wedding. I had to contact the couple because the tracking information had stated attempted delivery, and it required a signature. Then, I was informed the driver carelessly left at their residence. But the couple never bothered to contact me acknowledging receipt of the gift. When I finally received an email response back they thanked me for the gift, but told me they were waiting to open it until after the wedding. I realize they have up to 3 months to send out a thank you, but I have a feeling they used their email acknowledgement as the only "thank you" I will get. This feeling is based on their past lack of courtesy, such as failing to thank me for prior gifts. They didn't even bother to thank me for coming to the wedding. The second couple is getting married in next month. They knew months ago that I would not be able to attend this wedding, and this was far in advance of sending out their invitations. Yet, I still received an invitation. So, I sent a gift as a courtesy. Again, I had to initiate an email asking if they even received the gift because of postal concerns. When I finally received the email response from them, there was no thank you. Just a short statement that it arrived. Am I just expecting too much out of these people???? Should I just be satisfied by the fact they received the gift (by their email response), and expect no formal thank you from them at all???? I believe a formal thank you is in order, but how do I tactfully let these couples know that it is rude to not send one? Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome. 
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your perspective and advice on this matter. While it is tempting to address the neglectful parties involved, I will just have to chalk this one up to experience. Their display rudeness sure takes the joy out of what I always enjoy doing: creating a happy gift giving experience. 