My family (6 of us) will be attending the wedding of the son of long time friends. We are a middle income family. I'm feeling overwhelmed when reading that others are giving $150-$200 as a single guest attending a wedding. We surely cannot afford a $900-$1200 gift - even a $500 gift seems very generous. Before I started looking on the internet for answers, I was thinking $300. This is a very average wedding (nothing extravagant) for a couple who have their own house and have been living together for a year or so. They are in their mid 20s. We aren't cheap in the least and want to do the right thing. I've read that there is no "rule of thumb" regarding what has been spent per plate or per guest by the couple - that this is "rubbish." I do realize that a lot depends on our relationship with the couple/family and how much we feel we can afford. I would just like the opinion of others on the "going rate" for wedding gifts these days. I just can't keep up with what is correct for a gift amount right now, particularly in bad economic times.
Thank you for any help!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 20, 2009, 12:43 PM)
TWQadmin
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Post #2 of 8
(2372 views)
Re: How Much Should We Be Giving for a Wedding Gift?
[In reply to]
Yes, we have lots of posts on this subject and have written that there is no magic equation for giving gifts. Again, it's not based on the formality of the wedding or how much your dinner will cost. That just doesn't make sense.
Weddings are hosted (or should be hosted) so that the couple can share their day with those for whom they care, not to gain gifts or to cover the cost of what they're spending to host the party. So, again, give what you can, what you deem fit, based on your economic situation. In fact, you can send a gift to the home of the bride before the wedding. Choose something off their registry, if they have one. Then the couple can have a lasting membory of your attendance. They don't have to know how much is spent if you dont use the registry.
Please don't feel pressured to attend, or to send a gift that will break the bank. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
marybrown
Post #3 of 8
(2362 views)
Re: How Much Should We Be Giving for a Wedding Gift?
[In reply to]
Thanks for responding. I think you are right that there are so many things to take into consideration regarding the amount you decide to give the couple. Weddings should be about sharing an important event with friends and family, but they sadly have become so much more than just that. ...Regarding gift registries, I actually have a hard time with the idea of them. I know on one hand, they make things easier for guests who are wondering what to get for the couple. But on the other hand, in many cases they turn into "feeding frenzies" for a couple who choose things that they would otherwise never spend money on themselves. A $150 throw pillow for the sofa?? I once overheard a co-worker remark (regarding her baby registry) that it was like "going on a shopping spree - FOR FREE!!" Call me a cynic, but right then and there I decided that I wasn't going to use her registry. I do feel they are valid for certain things (place settings, china or crystal pattern) but for the most part, all it says to me is "I don't want to risk getting one single bum gift that I'll have to return, or worse, that I'll get stuck with - so I'll pick all of them out myself!" And then I wonder why we all have to sit through showers where the bride or mother-to-be opens gifts that she has essentially picked out herself! I mean, she already KNOWS exactly what she's getting (because she checks the registry every hour!). ...I have four daughters, so one day I'll certainly have to put my money where my mouth is, given these feelings. I hope I can! - I'm new to this forum, so I apologize if I've repeated sentiments already expressed - probably many times.
Thank you again
marybrown
Post #4 of 8
(2361 views)
Re: How Much Should We Be Giving for a Wedding Gift?
[In reply to]
BTW - I meant to add that I think we'll be giving $350 or $400. We haven't quite decided yet.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #5 of 8
(2342 views)
Re: How Much Should We Be Giving for a Wedding Gift?
[In reply to]
Dear Mary,
The gift registry is supposed to be merely a guide to the couple's taste and many of us feel the same as you. Give what you wish. The gift doesn't have to be one from the registry and it definitely doesn't have to be as expensive as you wish to spend. You may give one gift equal to a gift given by just one person. It doesn't have to be equal in value to 6 gifts. Hopefully you were invited to share in the event and not just for 6 gifts.
Please note that you are not obligated to attend and if you don't, you are not obligated to give a gift. This is your choice.
I find the gift giving shower a bit unnecessary and unrealistic these days and I'm not the only etiquette professional who does. The shower was popularized during the days when it was needed, when the lady left her "father's home" to live in her "husband's" home. Do we really live this way anymore? For most of us, the answer is "no." And, this is just one of the reasons why the gift-less shower is gaining popularity. The down-turn in the economy has slowed the movement a bit, but that won't last long. Hosts should consider the burden they place on guests as they plan prewedding parties and wedding related events.
How Much Should We Be Giving for a Wedding Gift?
