I agreed to make her wedding dress because I was hoping to enter something really great into a local sewing contest, and she made me a brides maid. I figured, since this is her wedding, I could help her choose some really nice fabric for her gown. Well, she decided that she and her brides maids had to go to a fabric store an hour away to do this, and she gave me three days notice. I couldn't get off from work and rather than going another day with me, she told me that whatever she bought is what I'd have to work with and I said fine, just don't get cheap satin and I gave her the yardage that I need. Well, she came back with $3 a yard satin in the wrong yardage. This is so much extra work for me because I need to remake the patterns, and figure a way to keep the satin from fraying to the point where the dress isn't falling apart. On top of all this, the contest was cancelled! I explained to her that since I have to take time off from work to make her dress, and there is no chance of winning the contest (which, there was a great chance I would've t least gotten something) that I can not be her brides maid due to financial reasons. I suggested that if she paid for the fabric for my gown, I could still be in her wedding party and make her dress. She decided that she can't do this, first of all because she wants a $1400 wedding ring, secondly, the fabric she picked out for her brides maids is more expensive then the fabric she bought for her own dress, and last, she decided she isn't going to get her bridesmaids any gifts. So, now, I'm not her brides maid anymore and I'm making her dress for free.
But here's the big question... She gave me a card for her gift registry and is expecting me to get her a wedding gift! Is the dress not enough?! If I was making this dress the way it should be done, I would have charged her $900, including nicer fabric (velvet to be precise, the same fabric the dress is made of in the picture she gave me). Even with the horrible fabric she got, the handmade dress is worth at least $400. I'm still angry for having to do the dress for free, nevermind buying her something on top of that. Please tell me this is as outrageous to you as it is to me.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 24, 2005, 5:27 PM
Post #2 of 5
(2320 views)
Re: [pookabee] How much does she want from me?!
[In reply to]
Dear Outraged,
I'm feeling something, but I don't think it is outrage. You offered to make a dress for someone that you consider close enough to be a bridesmaid in her wedding only because you wanted something to enter into a contest? This is not a gesture of a friend. This is something you were actually doing for yourself, whether or not the contest was canceled. And, she shouldn't have to pay for the fabric of your dress. When you agreed to be her bridesmaid, you agreed to make your dress.
You offered to make her dress, so you should do it for free without any compensation from a contest or her.
As for her handing you her gift registry, this is also not polite. Your dress is your gift to her. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 24, 2005, 5:39 PM
Post #3 of 5
(2316 views)
Re: [pookabee] How much does she want from me?!
[In reply to]
I'm feeling sad for both of you, actually. To ask someone to be a member of a bridal party is a high honor; one we typically bestow on dear friends and family. This seemed more like a barter of service. It really cheapens the whole wedding.
Write this off as a learning experience. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
pookabee
BRIDE
Jun 25, 2005, 9:08 AM
Post #4 of 5
(2308 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] How much does she want from me?!
[In reply to]
Yes, I wanted to make her dress for personal experience, because I was her friend, and because she begged me since the woman she had originally making her dress cursed her out for being so rude and told her to get someone else. As of right now, she has no brides maids since they all ditched her, no venue, no nothing.. just $300 in cheap decorations and the wedding is in less than 3 months.
When I agreed to make her the dress, I thought I was doing her a friendly gesture, but she's been horribly unwilling to work with me. I keep asking her how she wants things done, length of train, buttons or zipper, etc. and she acts like she can't hear me, she only yells at me for not starting her dress yet, but I need to know these things before I cut it out, which I've explained to her.
It was her idea to make me a brides maid and I would have no problem doing the dress for free and be paid with the experience alone, I thought it would be a fun thing for friends to do. Unfortunately, she doesn't treat me like a friend anymore.. more like a servant. I'm also afraid the dress won't turn out exactly to her heart's desire because of the difference in fabric. It's just a real shame that she can spend so much money on decorations with no place to decorate, refuse to give anything to her brides maids because of her "lack of money", and expect her guests and attendants to buy her gifts on top of what they're already doing for her! I just think that's wrong.
My fiancee and I have friends helping us with our wedding, but we're either paying them for it or buying them something nice, and I wouldn't dare include them in my gift registry.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 25, 2005, 9:44 AM
Post #5 of 5
(2304 views)
Re: [pookabee] How much does she want from me?!
[In reply to]
Yes, she asked you to be a bridesmaid but you did agree. You had the right to deny the request if you felt she was asking you, not as a close friend, but more of a deal maker.
If you feel like this woman is not being a friend to you then the only thing to do is to tell her and drop out. If she has alienated the former dressmaker and bridesmaids it probably won't come as a shock to her but be prepared for the fallout. This would obviously end your relationship so if you really feel like this bride is not worthy of your friendship then you shouldn't be worried about alienating her. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 25, 2005, 10:24 AM)
How much does she want from me?!
