I've read several posts and none seem to specifically address my issue. I have only attended weddings in the south. Now I have been invited to a wedding in New Jersey. I have heard from several family members and friends that expectations are very different up here.
I have been told that the bride and groom will expect me to give a monetary gift that is equivalent to what they will spend for my place at the reception. I have a few problems in figuring out what to do.
1. I do not know how much they are spending - their reception hall offers several different packages.
2. Even the cheapest package at their reception hall looks pretty expensive to me. The problem is that I am currently unemployed. I would never choose to spend that much money on dinner.
3. I'm just so accustomed to giving an actual gift, that I'm slightly uncomfortable giving money.
4. I've heard that a bride carries a bag around the room that people just slip cash into. Is that even possible - it seems rude?
The thing is - I want to be a good guest and help my friend have a great wedding day. Would it be uncomfortable for her if I gave a gift instead of money? If I do give money, is there an appropriate amount for someone in my circumstance? What is the appropriate way to give it? In a card? Slip it in the bag? A check? Cash? Mail?
Thanks so much,
Perplexed
p.s. I already gave a shower gift from her registry too
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 26, 2007, 8:49 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jan 26, 2007, 8:42 AM
Post #2 of 3
(2258 views)
Re: [themacer] NJ Culture - Monetary Gift
[In reply to]
I grew up in the North and while your friend is partly correct that a monetary gift is usual for this area, the couple should never expect a specific amount. There is no way to even know how much they are spending, so, this is a misnomer. Plus, your gift is not an admission ticket and should not have a price tag on it which is how it appears if you follow this misguided rule.
If you would like to give a monetary gift, give what you feel is appropriate based on your relationship with the couple and on your budget. In most other places in the country, and according to Emily Post and most other etiquette experts, all wedding gifts should be sent to the home of the bride before the wedding. If you choose to purchase a gift, please send it to the bride so they do not have to worry about stolen or lost gifts or transporting them. We get many letters from frantic couples explaining that cards have come off gifts. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 26, 2007, 11:14 AM
Post #3 of 3
(2249 views)
Re: [themacer] How much to give for a NJ wedding.
[In reply to]
I completely agree.
On a personal note: I find the purse custom impolite as well, because I couldn't imagine asking for cash. But, it is a custom with some still. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
How much to give for a NJ wedding.
